THIS IS NOT SLANDER

A FICTIONAL INDIE ROCK MEMOIR

It’s getting harder to deal with the blood in the toilet.

I had always subscribed to the notion that I would succumb to a stroke, as my father, and each of my four grandparents had. Perhaps this is the totality of my chosen lifestyle; a detriment to all concerned. I fear I am rotting from the inside, repeating the same mistake I vowed not to. Succumbing to a stroke was the main tenet of my mortality- that thought was something I always could depend upon; like holidays, or capitulation. The lesson from the experience of coming out of “retirement” and joining an active rock band at age 43, and playing drums with Piercing, has been that you never know.

You never know what is going to happen. My health could be due to stress from the band, or perhaps the larger context in which the band contributes toward it- the rescheduling, the negotiating, the cajoling, the convincing: The reinforcement of a belief system. I’ve been doing the work of four people for two years now; drummer, manager, roadie, publicist. Perhaps my body is rebelling against the demands I have placed on it. Hopefully, it won’t take long to find out; I have never before felt my musical life would threaten my actual life.

Jocelyn emailed me, a random inquiry I was not expecting, asking me to play drums in her new band. At that point in my musical life, she was the only person I would even consider coming out of retirement for, but I was shocked at first. Jeremy, a mutual friend and regular at the Record Palace- our local record store where he was a regular and I worked, had regaled me about her disappointment in the studio project Borealis, which Jocelyn had participated in with a coterie of musicians- creating songs at random, in a total studio setting. Steven Giles, Malthus Prufrock, and I had spent half a decade- from 2006 until 2011, deep in the studio, crafting two full-length albums and four singles as Borealis, and Jocelyn had sung on roughly half of those songs. Steven, Malthus, and I had been friends since meeting in 1985, as high school students with an inherent and sincere love of music.

Jeremy loved to tell me about Jocelyn’s reservations about the Borealis material, mostly the production.

“She doesn’t even like it, you never built the reverb bed she was striving for…” he would say, reveling in my frustration, as we felt the songs, and the production, were spot on. I couldn’t understand his motives in revealing this information to me. Was he jealous of Jocelyn having the opportunity to appear on the Borealis material? And why did I not hear these criticisms directly from her? And yet, I had trouble reconciling within myself why it would matter what he said, or what she told her friends who were not involved. Was I being possessive? Did I subconsciously view Jeremy as a threat? A threat to what? I had given up on a career in music, but by returning to the fray as the drummer in Jocelyn’s new band, was that feeling to be exposed?

I first met Jocelyn when she, Jeremy, and Todd arrived at my demo studio in 2005 to record their teenage band The Infectious Reality. Jeremy and Todd were local Mystic kids of the next generation of musicians from town, a tradition that had gone back twenty years by the time they started their first band. While becoming regulars at The Record Palace, they would spend hours there, buying all of the correct albums of the time, such as Broken Social Scene, Daft Punk, and Outkast. They also were privileged to be a part of the extended Palace world, which exposed them to the timeless catalog- Byrds, Dr. John, Joni Mitchell, Spirit, Primal Scream, and Augustus Pablo. I had been working at the Palace for eleven years when the two of them first showed up to haunt the bins.

The Palace was one of the last great record stores; one of the few that survived the transition from the analog world to the digital world. A great portion of the store’s survival was due to owner Benno Bluhm liquidating his entire savings and retirement, as well as selling his house,to keep the store afloat during the Great Recession. In addition, there was his clientele’s fierce loyalty to the tiny 600 foot store, it’s walls covered in a collage of promo posters, autographs, and local memorabilia- located at the very heart of Mystic. The Palace was the only place I knew of where you could buy a used copy of the Carole King LP your mother used to serenade you to sleep with in the seventies, see actual tickets from the Woodstock Festival which Benno attended, as well as albums signed by the Beastie Boys, guitars signed by Blink-182, or the ubiquitous Graham Nash autograph, who was a close friend of Benno, following Graham’s first visit to the store, in 1989. In this small town, The Palace was a unique treasure.

One afternoon, Jeremy and Todd asked me to record their new band, and I immediately agreed; secretly thrilled that there might be new music born in the town. The entire philosophy surrounding my musical career was to put our hometown on the musical map. As someone who watched plenty of talented musicians leave town for the more fertile ground of NYC, which was a short two and a half hour drive from Mystic, I found a direction as a young musician that arriving at “success” would be far more meaningful if it was accomplished here. I had spent the past twenty years playing in bands, playing in side projects, producing demos, setting up shows and curating festivals. In addition, my extended group of musician friends ran a collective rehearsal space for five years, hosting various musical acts for practice space, and darkroom services for photographers. We also organized underground raves to help offset a sudden $700 heat bill in January, or any other financial issues. And, of course, the DJ’s were all members of the Collective.

The talent of The Infectious Reality hooked me immediately. Once Jocelyn stepped into the studio, that night of our first recording session, I knew she was a star, or at least I had the overwhelming feeling that she could be. She carried herself with a graceful insouciance beyond her years. But what really attracted me to the project of recording their first demo, was the quality and breadth of their music; and Jocelyn’s singular voice. The Infectious Reality had a sound which was perfectly retro; a groove driven punk rock aesthetic, with searing dual vocals unheard from such young musicians, while simultaneously lacking derivation. It was a tall task on a canvas that had been almost completely filled, and for a pair of fourteen year old kids, with a 16 year old singer, it seemed that their possibilities were endless. They wrote the basis of their songs on an outdated Casio sequencer, and yet both Todd and Jeremy could sing, play bass, guitar, and keyboards. In all of my years of making music, and striving to get traction in the music world, here were three kids who I thought represented a better chance of making it than any of the previous groups in town.

The Infectious Reality recorded two four song EP’s at my humble demo studio, which I dubbed Centraal Studios, in a nod to the Amsterdam train station. I had been to Amsterdam twice on the recommendation of Benno, and found the train station so immense, it was a perfect opposite of my studio. The room was twenty-two feet by twelve feet, and every inch was filled with recording equipment, drums, guitars and amps, as well as my turntables and mixer. And the kids loved working at Centraal, so different than their own or friends bedroom studios,with parents listening down the hall.

After completing their first EP, they hawked their home recorded CDR’s, with Xerox cover art I had designed, in the halls of their high school, and at their shows. The cover image was an ancient abacus with an electrical cord photoshopped onto the left side of the first analog computer. They believed in the analog / digital contrast of the cover design, as they were musically mixing live guitars over drum machine programs. I explained exactly how they could go about selling it to their school peers, as the members of Thames utilized the exact same strategy when we released our first home recording. The Thames EP was on cassette tape, which was the only available medium at the time. The Infectious Reality sold their record on CDR- “Digital Cassettes…” said Jeremy.

“Ok, during breaks between classes, find the busiest hallway, and offer the record for a plain five dollars.” I explained “and what makes you think you know the busiest hallway when you haven’t been there in almost twenty years?” sarcastically offered Jeremy.

“I don’t think he means the same fucking hallway as in 1987 ya punk….” Offers Todd in a slow drawl, at once to poke at Jeremy and to let me off the hook. “Look, it’s easy. Have you ever been offered to buy a local bands CD in the hallway at school?”

“No.” they respond in unison.

“That’s the hook. And people want to be around people who are getting things done, making things themselves.”

“See and be seen.” Jeremy restates an axiom from the Greenman Collective days that I have weaned them on since I first felt they were worth the investment of my energy and the Post Generation ethos.

“Get the grinder and eat it.” offers Todd.

“Point of completion.” I add as a final statement, as if we were fighters pointing our swords toward a central point.

We agreed the finances of the group, which I meticulously accounted for, (having been part of many monetary mishaps within a working band) would not discount their voices. After six months of selling their first EP, they were able to buy their own PA and began to see a return on investment in real time. Invigorated, they recorded their second EP- distributed it in exactly the same way, and built a considerable local audience within the all-ages set. For the most part, everything was going according to the plan- there was a great working relationship between the four of us, and yet Jeremy and I held a more intimate bond, as he began to work at the Palace, and was constantly honing his depth of knowledge through countless hours of listening and conversation.

“Did you know Radiohead is named after a Talkingheads song?” offers Jeremy in the cool silence of an early summer Friday morning at the Palace. The heat at the Palace could become unbearable as the day went on; the sun clearing the roofline of the building around 1 PM.

“Wait, what?!?” I offer somewhat shocked. I was a huge Talkingheads fan, I chose their song “The Great Curve” as the submission for my Music Listening 101 exam as a high school sophomore.

“Yeah, side two of True Stories.”

I head over to the Talkingheads bin about ten feet in front of the counter. Sure enough- a copy of “True Stories” is there; it’s minimal yet garish design so evident. I flip over the jacket, scanning the song titles. Track two on the second side. The kid was paying attention to the details.

The Infectious Reality eventually got a big break, an opening slot in New Haven- their first out of town show. I volunteered to drive them down in my conversion van; a pretty nice ride for your first excursion beyond the city limits. They acted like young professionals, each of them dressing it up in an appropriate manner- Jocelyn especially shined in a purple dress with satin regality. They certainly presented themselves as wise beyond their years, but the music would have to back it up. And it did. Slashing guitar lines, pristine harmonies, and a smooth transition between songs, with no amateur fumbling.

They performed to the height of their capabilities, and after the set, the headliners, a New York City band of mid-twenties guitar slingers couldn’t heap enough praise on them.

“You guys are just teenagers? That show was fantastic! You should definitely keep it going and we could probably hook you up with shows in the city.”

Unfortunately, their set at The Free Frame of Reference in New Haven would be the final Infectious Reality performance.

I had known Steven for twenty years when we both found ourselves, for the very first time, without a live working rock band as part of our daily routine. We met in high school in 1985, when he was a junior while I was a sophomore. For the next nine years, the two of us, with Brent Davis and Thomas Field, would play music as Thames until 1994- our ungainly end included a $20,000 debt. Steven had recently built a studio in his house, a transition solely made toward recording over assembling a live act. It was the smart move; as the internet was becoming the new record label, and as such, you could now reach a possible wide audience without ever packing the van or risking a finger being smashed in a closing door an hour before the show. As much as Steven and I had worked together in the past as members of Thames- sharing a vast musical dialogue- adding Malthus was the easiest answer to a way forward. While Steven was building the studio, he put in an incredible amount of time to learn the new technology, but Malthus was already a tech genius. He and I had lived together for a few years in the early 90’s, and I’ll never forget one particular night when he called me downstairs to his room.

“Hey man- you have to check this out.”

On his desk was a phone receiver sitting on a small plate with two recessions to let the phone settle into its framework. I immediately recognized the “plate” from “War Games”; one of the seminal 80’s movies we had all seen a hundred times. Malthus was the first person I knew who was on the internet.

Steven had recruited me by promising that I would not be involved in the project only as a drummer- after twenty three years of being told to “sit down, shut up, and play the drums.” My evolution as a drummer followed a somewhat predictable arc. In the early days of Thames I was a spastic bundle of energy, desperately seeking the attention of the audience above what the band was attracting. I even came up with beats for two early songs where I stood up and played the drum set more like a marching band drummer, so I could stand on stage like everyone else in the group. Years later I realized it was another attempt at attention, although the beats actually worked perfectly within the framework of those songs. If they didn’t, Steven and Thomas would have let me know about it. I was able to eventually settle down into the role of the drummer, and once I made that adjustment, Thames truly took off.

I was looking forward to exploring, within the structure of Borealis, what I was actually capable of musically, without having to replicate the song for a live performance. It took quite a long time to actually get to that point, as at the very first session to record raw material to the computer, with designs to later cull and splice the best indeterminate moments, I was sitting behind a mic’d up drum set in Steven’s new studio. As it had always been between the two of us, once we began to play together, I could sense exactly where he was going melodically, structurally, and where the arrangement was headed. Within the first hour we had written enough material for the very first song we would complete; a driving off beat stomper that had more in common with music from our teens than what we had initially set out to do in this project. And the song was incredible. It was exhilarating to feel the grab of youth again, because of the upbeat tempo and pulsing beat. And yet, it was our maturity that was the most intoxicating element of the session. It seemed we had become adults who possessed the tenacity of youth through our ability to make music.

A week later, Malthus and I showed up for the second session, and Steven had arranged an entire four minute song from the various takes of the previous week. He had created an incredible pop number with rock flourishes none of us had used in our respective previous musical endeavors. We were stunned at the accuracy of the intention, and immediately decided to work for 4 more weeks cutting tracks from live guitar and drum sessions until we had an album’s worth of material.

A month later, after volunteering for an arduous schedule, the three of us felt comfortable that we had a full album. We had to be meticulous and get inside the songs in a way only a recording project allows, as there were no live ramifications. The liberation was palpable. We faithfully worked twice a week, honing the initial ideas with added layers of programming, keyboards, and the singular vocals of Malthus. The majority of the tunes were being realized within three working elements: rough, guitar driven rock songs, slinky electro grooves, and a minimalist blend of live guitar and sequencers. But there was one scintillating number we couldn’t get our heads around. “Out at Home” was an ambient song which was built around the application of a trip hop beat, yet was an expansive piece that demanded the listeners attention. While struggling to find its place among the other songs, it dawned on me that Jocelyn would be the perfect vocal fit. “Do you think she’ll be up for it?” asked Steven. I felt confident that she would, but there was no sense in making promises at this stage.

Jocelyn arrived ten minutes late, which I thought was a sign of confidence for her first serious recording session in something more than my little demo studio where I had recorded the two The Infectious Reality releases. Malthus and Steven had heard all of her recorded material, and seemed to be supporting me in my decision to bring a 19 year old into the fold. My initial sense was that Jocelyn would have no trouble finding her place in the working environment- she displayed a secure sense of her abilities, and never seemed to shy away from getting the actual work done. As she entered the front room and we rose to greet her, there was a palpable sense of disbelief- how could this slender reed of a person exhibit such a soulful, powerful voice? Since I had worked with her before, this was of no surprise to me. And yet, Malthus and Steven were speechless; I actually had to prompt them to get past their initial shock. This wouldn’t be the last time a producer or engineer would be taken aback seeing Jocelyn in person for the first time.

Steven had prepared the studio before we arrived, one of his incessant traits while recording; a possession that was so much of the attraction for both Malthus and myself. The four of us listened to the song a handful of times, discussing the peaks and valleys, and what we thought would work vocally. With some slight trepidation, Jocelyn stepped to the mic in the faceless basement. I stepped into the opposite half of the room with Malthus to give her a bit of space, but after a pass of the first verse, Steven could not contain himself from peeking around the corner, hands on head in a complex mesh of disbelief; realizing how good the song would become, and how she had changed everything. Her range was voluminous, hitting all of the appropriate high notes without ever sounding strained, and a full throated lower range adding a confidence contrasted against her revealing upper register. After each pass of the song, we were finding more and more subtlety in Jocelyn’s delivery, which prompted us to have her sing backup vocals on two additional songs. She added sublime moments that coaxed even more out those tunes. Jocelyn excused herself after a final pass of the vocal mix, and headed up the wooden cellar stairs, her tiny heels clicking on the treads, as if a tap dancer were warming up. The three of us again looked at each other in silence.

“I feel like we have a complete debut album.” stated Steven, which broke the quiet of the basement; the computer buzz and the water pipes having been the only audible sounds for the last minute.

“Well, let’s put it out!” added Malthus.

“I’m sure I can cobble together a PR campaign, but it’s going to be a tough sell with no live act.” I suggested, hoping to plant a seed that might lead to a live act, which I was sure would be an incredible band to see in person. We had all of the tools and all of the people.

Steven, Malthus, and I decided to take a few weeks break from writing and recording to focus completely on getting music blogs to review the record. It was as I had predicted; with no live act it was hard to build any momentum in the music press. The local paper did a piece on “veteran musicians” of the Mystic scene, but that was the extent of the coverage. We decided to reconvene and write an entire new album based around what we thought Jocelyn could do as the sole singer on a record. After writing sketches of new ideas over two months, the three of us felt we had the framework of a great recording, a specific growth from the first album. There were sixteen ideas, and a bunch of other snippets, things we would casually poach from- similar to an auto mechanic that had a parts car. Deciding it was finally time to bring Jocelyn in to suss out the new material, I volunteered to reach out to her, and to get the four of us on a regular working schedule.

I called Jocelyn on the night of a new moon, secretly hoping the lunar cycle would work in our favor.

“Hey Joss, it’s me Twining.”

“Hey, how are you? I’ve been meaning to get in touch but I’ve been incredibly busy. How are the sessions going?”

The connection was pretty bad for modern phones- it somewhat reminded me of phone calls from my grandparents in Florida on Christmas Day. I had spent approximately some or all of 27 days in my life with them in any capacity. That noise, and their physical distance, always defined their emotional distance. But this was a local call to Jocelyn.

“Fantastic. We have an entire album worth of material, and we really would like you to sing the whole thing, with Malthus adding some counterpoint. But we basically wrote the whole album with you in mind.”

“Wow, I’m honored, and thrilled, but as usual with me, the timing is off. I’m moving to Boston in two weeks.”

After I hung up the phone, I began muttering to myself “shit shit shit Shit Shit SHIT….” Malthus had already done proof cover art, as he was always looking to be one step ahead of the music with the image. His designs were minimalist takes on the visible spectrum of the northern lights, and he found the perfect font for BOREALIS as the working title. Well, that brilliant idea had just gone and walked out the door and cruised the 95 corridor to Boston- we would now have to reconfigure the entire album. Undaunted, we strove for a concise point of completion over the next four months, crafting a wider palette that would include many of the singers from the first album. Brooke Easterhaus, who also sang brilliantly on the first record, was asked to listen to possible tracks that she might feel a fit with. Meanwhile, Malthus had started tracking some rough vocals as we massaged the material into song form. While we were creating a working blueprint for the new record, I decided to give Jocelyn a call in Boston about five months after she relocated. I was hoping we could catch her on a weekend home, where we could squeeze in a few sessions- and at least repeat her singular performance on our new album.

“Hey, how’s it going up there?” I asked “Terrible. I’m working at an Urban Outfitters following people around all day picking up after them. It’s like being a chambermaid for some low grade royal family” she replied, with a resignation of someone who had walked into the first serious misstep in her life.

“Are you going to be in town anytime soon?”

“Yeah, I’m going to visit my mom for three days in exactly three weeks.”

“Do you think you might be able to carve out a few hours and sing on some of the new Borealis tunes?”

“Oh my god, thank you- that is something I desperately need right now…. Just the chance to let loose for a few hours, do something creative. I’m in.”

She seemed genuine about getting into the studio to at least sing on some of the songs, and even expressed resignation about moving after the whole album was written with her in mind. But at this stage of our music career- people who committed themselves to getting “a record deal” and fell short of that goal, nether Steven, Malthus, nor I had any expectations of success in traditional terms, or even finding an audience. We were quite content making the music we heard unfettered by any concept of “success”. The weekend after the Fourth of July holiday she would be back in town, and we booked a session for that Saturday night. As I had anticipated, it was as if she was in the studio the night before, not a six month absence. Pouring herself into the work, she was editing lines as we wrote them, and then singing the revisions immediately.

“no, that just doesn’t work as an idea after the first verse”
“no, that makes little sense in the overall scheme of the song”
“no, that’s really a rebuttal when we need a rallying cry”

Steven had relocated the studio from the basement to the room over his garage for the summer, to access air conditioning. And for the most part it worked out; the bulk of what we recorded was unaffected by room noise. But tracking live vocals was something else entirely for the controlled climate of the room over the garage. There was no way to record the vocals without the mic picking up the air conditioner hum, and the windows had to be closed as well, to prevent ambient sounds from the outside to leak into the live track. Malthus was wiping sweat from his brow with a soaking wet handkerchief. Steven was wiping his glasses on his shirt every two minutes. Jocelyn was unmoved, with no outer emotional reaction to the heat. I am dripping sweat and loving it, remembering that one never has to shovel humidity.

Jocelyn knew what she was capable of, and was cognizant about the flow of words within melodies almost to a savant like degree. The three of us always trusted her on her take, and were furiously writing the song lyrics line by line, word by word, right there in the studio. We would reach consensus on a single line, and she would nail it in two or three takes, and we would write the next line, repeating this process until we had a finished vocal. Unconventional, but thrilling; as the pressure was really on, knowing the limited time frame coupled with the rawness of the arrangements. And again, by the end of the session, we had a completely finished vocal, with background accents and harmonies working in a seamless tapestry. A week later, the song sounded like we had wrestled with it for months, not one four hour studio session.

We continued with the sessions throughout an incredibly hot summer. The feel of the humid wall after sitting for three or four hours in the air conditioned studio was like a re-entry into another world. The music we were creating was our new world; it was that intoxicating. Malthus and I would drive the twenty miles from Steven’s to Mystic listening to the new mixes, and each songs fruition led us to believe we had something special on our hands- and in true Burroughsian fashion, we were exploring “how random is random?” One thought was constantly at the forefront of my mind on those drives home- maybe everything was leading up to this moment, to Borealis. The deep green of the leaf canopy belied the scorched fields between the ancient stone walls of the farms which covered the back roads we traversed. Perhaps we were now mature artists who were becoming the canopy, and not the scorched earth?

The first week of September, I received an email from Jocelyn:

“I’m coming back home, the Boston thing is just not working out.”

It’s tough being twenty and moving out on your own, much less to a metropolitan setting, and even as we knew she was going through an unfortunate moment of growth, I was inwardly thrilled with this prospect. “I say we still keep everything that Brooke worked on,” proposed Steven, “but let’s add Jocelyn to the Malthus songs, and we’ll re-record vocals with her that didn’t seem to be on par with some of the more interesting performances.”

Once she was ensconced in her mother’s house, we began a grueling three nights a week schedule in order to finish the recording in time to submit it to our local music scene’s awards show- which was really just a huge party thrown by the major local music promoters. Their idea for the awards show was “Theme Party” and the theme was “Awards Show”. Local booking agent Caron Morris was the brainchild behind the TAZZIES- in an interview before the inaugural event he was quoted in the local paper:

“I love awards shows!I watch them all whether it’s the Grammy’s or the MTV music awards. I love the whole idea of celebration. So, I thought, why not a TAZZIES show?”

The judges were a collective of booking agents, promoters, and club owners in the NYC to Boston corridor who worked with Caron, and a separate online “people’s choice” balloting. At the show seven or eight bands would do a single number, and interspersed among the performances were awards in categories like “Best Indie Group” and “Best Americana Group” as well as more traditional awards like “Song of the Year” and “Album of the Year”. We were working feverishly in the late winter, the album we titled “Our National Emblem” was submitted for the TAZ Awards right on the deadline., January 31st 2011.

I decided to wear my vintage Beatles Apple Boutique Nehru jacket to the TAZ awards. Dressing in excess was encouraged, and I knew I could set a personal precedent with the evening’s wear. The jacket was given to me by Ricardo Maddalena, one of the cool uncles of my longtime partner Anne Maddalena. Anne and I had been living together for nineteen years by the time of the second TAZ awards, and Ricardo had bought the jacket at the original Apple Boutique in 1969, coincidentally the year of my birth. We had garnered the nomination we were hoping for, “Pop Album of the Year” and felt somewhat confident that we might win. And while the TAZZIES were not about winning and losing, and much more about having fun on a grand scale- it’s always more fun to win. And we did. After Steven, Malthus, and I heard “Borealis”…………… we looked at each other in the same dis-belief that we shared during Jocelyn’s first night in the studio recording “Out at Home”.

“Holy Shit!!” Malthus stated quietly under his breath, so only the three of us could hear it.

“All that hard work paid off, eh Malthus?” I replied just as quietly while we turned on the peastone gravel path. Steven was uncommonly silent. Winning always seemed to bring about some sort of internal conflict within him.

Making our way to the stage for an improvised “acceptance speech”, one of the local musicians with long time ties to the scene yelled out “Where did you get the jacket?” A thick audience laugh followed his witty comment- so perfect for this night of serious/not serious fun.

“Anne’s Uncle bought this at the Apple Boutique in London in 1969. Coincidentally, the year of my birth.”

“How old are you?” came from an unseen voice in the back.

“Well, let’s do the math” added Malthus in a deadpan PBS broadcast voice.

Consequently, much of our acceptance speech was me talking Apple Boutique. Certainly it was a functional facilitation of an awards speech, but I noticed one thing missing. Jocelyn, who I knew was at the event after running into her in the parking lot, was nowhere to be seen. I stammered through the necessary “Thanks You’s” trying to buy a few moments to see if she would make it to the stage.

“Where’s Jocelyn?” I eventually asked the crowd.

And in that moment, after a brisk walk, she skipped down the red carpet- wearing a beige mini dress with high black, glossy heels. The crowd was completely silent as she climbed the stage stairs and joined us. But by then we had already taken up too much time, so I said one last thank you to the crowd, and with both hands, pointed towards Jocelyn, and said “The Voice”. Little did I know at the time it was a moment that would come back to haunt me in Piercing.

After finishing Emblem, we decided to take a month long break before coming back together to take a stab at a completely minimal electro record. The vast majority of the songs Borealis had written featured guitars in traditional or transmuted ways. We decided to eschew them completely. There was quite a bit of static going around in Mystic musical circles as we began rough drafts of our new ideas, following the TAZZIES. It seemed that Jeremy again started speaking for Jocelyn, to some degree. And the impression we were getting was that she wanted to do something completely different from the studio environment. I couldn’t really blame her- the three of us were in full retreat mode from the rigors of a live band, but she was at the precipice of that possible moment in her own life. Why be cooped up in a studio with three “retired” musicians, no matter how creative the environment or the splendid recorded results? And yet, it was strange to hear of this second hand; Jocelyn never expressed these reservations or limitations to me, it was her circle of friends that frequented the Palace that conveyed the information. Perhaps she didn’t understand that the three of us had already come to terms with musical ambitions that had much more at stake than Borealis, and a new “New” beginning was nothing we had not collectively dealt with before. The three of us held a few sessions at
the studio- half-hearted- mostly due to sonic fatigue, but also somewhat because we were fumbling in the dark for the perfect exaltation of our new motivation.

“What do you think of this bass drum sound for this beat” opined Steven during one of the new recording sessions.

“Eh, it’s a bit full, you know? Not the crisp punctuality I think we’re looking for” replied Malthus, a bit reserved.

“Ellery, what do you think?”

“I agree with Malthus.”

“Now you guys are going to gang up on me?”

Steven was in full sarcastic mode, but he would reveal a hint of his true feelings when he reacted that way. I had been witness to it many times over during our years together in Thames and Greenmanville. And I’m quite positive he had lines I would cross that were as equally irritating. I suppose we all had moments of that nature, but Malthus and I simply exchanged glances of disbelief. We were now going to endlessly discuss the tone of the bass drum? It’s not as if we were the Cocteau Twins circa 1989, with unlimited time, drugs, and career choices.

A few weeks later, I received an email from Doug Roosevelt, one of the very successful local musicians who came of age when Steven and I were playing in Thames, our first band that we formed during high school in 1985. Doug was putting together a benefit show for a close friend, Matt Keller, who had passed away suddenly at the young age of 30 years old, from a congenital heart failure that was programmed into his DNA. It was a tragic time, as Doug and Matt had been roommates at a local house, rented by 5 or 6 people at a time during the early nineties when the Gulf War and the first Bush recession forced those of us in Mystic even closer together in an effort to survive. Anne and I, along with two long-time friends, had held the initial lease on Station House, beginning in December of 1991. As the years went by, and people could afford to move into an apartment without 4 other roommates, a next group would fill the void as those kids were trying to gain independence. Doug and Matt were part of the last phase at Station, and that moment held the same immense, interpersonal bond that all of the previous roommates had shared. Everyone was clinging to each other in a concerted effort to be as creative as possible and to stay there. Station House was something that would not exist for the next generation of Mystic kids, of which Jocelyn, Jeremy, and Todd were a part of.

Doug asked Thames to perform at the Memorial Show, which the four members were in total agreement with. It was a long standing trait of uniting under a banner for the common good that defined the two generations of Mystic musicians which preceded the kids now hanging at the Palace. Thames was the band where I first began playing music with Steven, along with Thomas, and Brent . The four of us had an incredible run at the prize, spending nine years together making music that almost catapulted us to the level we were striving for. The band had actually reunited as Greenmanville in the late ‘90’s, running the gamut of the NYC indie scene from 1998 until late 2000, as one of the band’s earliest supporters had become a minor player in the music management circle based out of an office on the Lower East Side. Thames were actually repurposed simply because of the efforts of James Quirk, an NYU graduate working in the management office that handled Jeff Buckley. The Greenmanville concept was that the band would showcase to all of the important NYC players and redeem the Thames season. It was all for naught, as James quit managing the band after three years amid the strife of timelessness and the lack of timely success.

The four of us shared an easy camaraderie that occurs when creativity and close living quarters are enmeshed over decades. The Thames practices were fluid and furious; the details that made the songs come to life in the first place were being heightened by our musical and personal growth. On the night of the show, I was curious to see which of the next generation would come to see if all the stories I had told them over the years of Thames’ “prowess” were simply overblown memories of a past failure. Surprisingly, the audience had swollen to near capacity by the time we went onstage, and it was impossible to gauge the extent of attendance. Thames were in peak form, an elastic time travel which only further revealed the depth of the songs- and on this night, the long wished for ending of an incredible effort came to fruition. The applause was deep and genuine, with a touch of a goodbye that had never previously materialized. There was no nostalgia.

After packing up the gear into the van, thinking that very well could be the last time I ever play in a live band again, I head to the outdoor patio adjoining the club. It was a sweltering July night, and after changing out of the gig clothes which were soaked in sweat, I was surprised to find Jocelyn waiting for me outside. I hadn’t seen or spoken to her in over three months, so it was nice to see that she made the effort to see Thames play.

“You guys were incredible! It seemed as if you had never even stopped playing together.”

“Thanks” I replied with a coy twist of my head. “Now do you believe me?”

I let out a chuckle, hopefully assuring her that I was as deprecating about Thames as anyone, but that we were as earnest as a young band could be when we were active. We took ourselves very seriously; but that was a function of putting your entire faith in the power of the songs. It was how we defined ourselves.

“How are you doing, what are you up to?” I asked with genuine curiosity. Other than her time spent in Boston, this was as long of an interruption in our working relationship since she first walked into Centraal.

“I’m not really doing much of anything. I got a job at the new senior housing complex in town, working with the dietary department making sure everyone gets their pills. And I moved back into my Mom’s house… which is…. daunting. I’m as much of a pain in the ass to her as she is to me. But I love her.”

“Borealis are working on some new material. No guitars this time, just machines and programs.”

“How’s that coming along?” she replied, with a touch of distancing herself from the topic.

“Ok, I don’t think we really know what we’re shooting for yet, and there is a bit of sonic fatigue.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean; I was totally burned out after the rush to finish Emblem. I didn’t even want to sing along to the radio.” She had a nervous laugh before continuing with the train of thought.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stay more in touch with you after the record was done.”

“Hey, that’s ok. We made some incredible music, and I couldn’t be more happy with Emblem; it’s the record I always wanted to make. I don’t even care if anyone ever hears it again, I know I can listen to it, and be instantly back in the studio with you guys and feel that rush of excitement.”

That was the truth. Things change, circumstances shift; even Thames came to an ugly end. The four Thames members were, after a time, able to manage to become closer friends following the conclusion of the group; but normally- these things end badly. At the same time, I had recorded nearly every single piece of music she had ever sung on or written. We had a fantastic working relationship, and she always seemed to push through an issue with a single minded determination that belied her laissez faire social stance. She had guts; a quality not every young musician is blessed with.

“I just didn’t want to be cooped up in the studio all of the time. I think I’d like to do something else, but I don’t even have an idea of what it could be. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”

“Yeah, I kept having Jeremy come in to the Palace and tell me how disappointed you were in the results, that the reverb bed wasn’t appropriate…. I would have rather heard it from you, but you know how
he likes to slip into his Asshole Costume and poke at people with a hot match head…”

I replied, trying to contain my disappointment in not hearing it directly from her. Jeremy was a singular talent, to be sure, but he loved to get under peoples skin just for the reaction. He himself didn’t even believe half of the bullshit he’d spew, as long as people were uncomfortable.

“I never told him to tell you that….”

“Look, I know what the recording experience was like for all of us, and its fine….”

She interrupted me before I was able to complete the thought.

“I totally enjoyed my time in the studio. Sometimes I would get a little irritated because I don’t have the technical skills you three have, and maybe not enough of a musical dialogue to get my point across. But I’m very proud of how I sang, and proud of the record.”

That was a relief, and it sounded as genuine as she could’ve been about it.

“Look, I just want you to be happy.” I told her.

“What kind of music are you thinking of?” was the first thing I asked Jocelyn in reply to playing drums in this new band. Her musical taste was somewhat all over the place, and I wasn’t going to come out of retirement to play in some fey indie rock band. If I was going to go back to being a full time drummer, I was going to play The Drums.

“My heart really is in the warm 60’s garage rock that i grew up listening to, and that’s what I want to do…. not that directly. I don’t know if any of that would appeal to you but I would love to be in an actual band with you.” was her reply.

She had caught me at the lowest artistic point in my life. The previous summer, I threw a handful of DJ nights at the local all ages performance space. I was able to get a good friend of mine who was a world class DJ to headline the event, while I did a fairly simple opening hour. The first two nights were some of the best nights of the time; the bulk of the next generation finally getting their dance on as a group. My intention was that if the kids could see how a dance floor of people can function to inspire each other to higher levels of creativity and commitment, it would spill over into their rock bands that were flourishing. The third night was a let-down; the group mind was already dissipating, and having it the weekend before the holidays sapped energy. I thought to myself, we’ve had a nifty little run here, let’s put it back on the shelf until the next summer. Unfortunately, I let myself get talked into doing an opening set on New Year’s Eve; breaking one of my long standing rules- do not leave the house on New Year’s Eve. I ended up playing to a completely empty room- literally, there was not a single person in the room. I asked Anne to not watch, shooing her away when she made an attempt to hear my set, as she would have been the only person in the room. After my hour was up, I packed the crates and went straight home; not even a goodbye to anyone who was involved in putting on the event. New Year’s Day, 2012. I was sitting in a remorseful slouch, totally convinced that my live performance career had ended in an empty, old lumber yard building a half mile from my house. Six weeks later, Jocelyn and I
began talking about the influence of Echo & the Bunnymen, and how that would be the perfect direction for our new band.

Class Ring were the next generation’s best band. One day while working at the Palace, some of the band members asked me to come out to one of their practices and point them in the right direction. To visit them, i had to drive into an exclusive neighborhood in Stonington. A multi-generation family of five stare me down as a long haired, sunglasses wearing, van driving weirdo who takes the right turn toward the band’s practice space.

They had an interesting blend of a punk ethos combined with classic rock structures, and I was intrigued by their potential. As a five piece, they could truly branch out into expansive counterpoint, largely due to the guitar talents of Adrian Pearson, another slender reed of the scene. He had cut his teeth at an early age shredding metal riffs, and when he had mastered that craft and became bored with it, branched out into folk and gypsy punk. Dexterous, and melodic, he could coax a classic styling from a fiddle, or an amp cranked to eleven. Their practice that day left me encouraged; it seemed as if my experience in music was simply to help guide this group toward their own success. Class Ring became the biggest draw in the new Mystic scene, and I thought, could become a new Thames, perhaps even more so as their diversity created a larger context in which they could create. Fronted by a female / male duo, with a killer rhythm section featuring two brothers, their star quickly rose. But even with a modicum of success comes an added layer of new pressure to maintain upward movement. As they began branching out and playing in New London, and the Greater Southeastern Connecticut Autonomous Zone, inner turmoil began to tear them apart. In an effort to clear their heads and move forward, they deemed the underlying issue to be Adrian’s commitment to long term success. I was working at the Palace when the front couple and the two brothers met to tell Adrian he was no longer a member of Class Ring. Outside of the Palace, they tried to convince themselves they were doing the right thing. Under murmurs and bated breath, Adrian arrived to the meeting.

“Let’s go down to the Art Center and have a talk” one of the brothers said to Adrian.

I knew what they were planning to do, but you could clearly see that Adrian had no idea what was coming. About thirty minutes later, I caught a glimpse of Adrian as he made his way back to his car. The look on his face was something that would stay with me through some of the more difficult times in this new band. His entire world had been turned upside down by the people he trusted the most, and that sense of abandonment can lead an artist in one of two ways- disruption of continuity- or a revealed vigor one did not know was available beforehand. As Jocelyn and I began to discuss the possible members of the group, we knew that Adrian was our guitar star.

“I think we have to have Todd in the band.” Jocelyn wrote to me, kicking off another day of a hundred emails back and forth between us. The two of them go all the way back to TIR, and it made total sense to have Todd in the group; his intensity and emotional songwriting would be the perfect complement to Adrian’s more muscular offerings.

“Do you think Jeremy will try to wedge his way in once he knows we are all working together?” opined Joss.

“No. He’s dead set on moving to New York. And I think it will be good for him; he needs to get out and not be the loudest guy in the room anymore. He’ll find his way into some hotshot NYC band in no time.”

As we traded more emails about the perfect bass player fit, it suddenly dawned on me that with Jeremy’s departure, the answer to our fifth member was opening up right under our noses. Geneva Holiday was a long running, instrumental surf trio that somewhat bridged the end of the Thames/Station years and this next generation. Kids like Todd and Jocelyn had found their own “Thames” in their teen years watching Geneva cut up the night into 30 two minute surf screeds; with a matching energy and the matching uniforms they wore at every show. Rudy Badenhoff was their six foot, intimidating German bass player, and came from a long line of family musicians. Gangly, hyper, and yet an incisive definition; he was the heart and soul of the instrumental Geneva experience.

Without Rudy’s stage presence and panache, the Holiday would have been a two tiered moment, not the 3D spectacle that they were at the height of their powers. But in the last year, they had expanded to a four piece, adding Jeremy on guitar. Jeremy brought out a more rock driven side to their surf instrumentals, and as the song structures became more complex, they dropped much of their older material in favor of the expanded palette. But that was all going to vanish the moment Jeremy left for the city, so I suggested we recruit Rudy to play bass in the band.

“That is an inspired idea, I can’t believe I didn’t think of him.” wrote Joss in the ensuing email thread.

We decided to have the five of us meet at my house, to discuss whether or not we had enough of a musical overlap to create this new group. I was completely confident that we would, and personally was more interested in hearing what kind of goals they each would want to achieve. Adrian had already informed us before the meeting that he was moving to Brooklyn on Labor Day weekend, so we had roughly seven months to build up enough songs to play live. In the back of my mind, I felt that we could achieve whatever we set our goals as, but I insisted to myself to keep that well hidden; there was no need for me to create an agenda for the five of us. The best case scenario seemed to be that we make something dynamic, and continue with the lineup after Adrian relocates. The worst case is that we play a handful of local shows and have a great summer.

The meeting was in what I like to call the “mother-in-law” apartment- a tiny one story addition the previous owners of our house attached to the original 1930’s structure. As a kid, with a single mom, there was no way our unfinished basement was to become one of the cool rec rooms that were so prevalent at the time. So, now that Anne and I owned a house, we succumbed to the idea we could achieve what our parents could not. A homemade “bar”- fake porcelain tile, rugs from the discount store. It was where we kept the TV. I began the discussion by saying “What would you each like to achieve in the band?”

Jocelyn went first:
“I would love to be able to tour to some degree, regionally- the East coast. I could be very happy with that level of success.”

Rudy was a rock lifer, somewhat like me without the constancy.
“I just wanna rock, you know? I want to be able to play shows where people are like “oh my god, what the fuck did I just see?….”

Adrian was next.
“I know you guys know I’m moving to Brooklyn in the fall, but I just want to work hard for these next few months and see where we can take it. I don’t know if I could tour once I get to New York, but I’m really curious to see what we can come up with. We could make my move to Brooklyn work for us”.

Todd was incisive, as he always was.
“I just want to write the songs I hear in my head, and whatever happens, happens.”

I reassured them that I would harbor our collective perception of what may be possible.

“I’m an open page; I never even thought I would be in this position again. So, I promise you guys, I will do everything that I am capable of to keep this moving forward, as long as everyone agrees to what may evolve.”

There was one more thing that needed to be addressed right then, as I would not allow myself to participate in a band dynamic I had already lived through.

“I only ask for three things from the four of you. No band tee shirts on stage, no sneakers onstage, and no narcotics. If I even catch a hint of there being narcotics in this band, I will walk away.”

The band tees and the sneakers were more of an issue of seeking discipline. If you can’t get your wardrobe up to par without sneakers and band tees, you’re not really trying. It’s a basic request. But I had already lived through three waves of narcotics within a band, and it simply isn’t pretty. There is nothing so soul draining as being on the road with someone who can’t get their fix.

Practices were held in Centraal, and I went out and spent $600 to get us a working PA and microphones for the singers. The studio was also designed to invoke the classic Rec Room basements of my unrealized 70’s childhood. The walls were painted in three foot squares of rotating burnt orange, midnight blue, and Carolina blue, with an olive drab stucco panel between the two doors. As we settled in and the guitars were tuned, I asked if anyone had a basic tune we could get in to as a starting point.

Adrian piped in:
“Yeah, I have this pretty simple riff…..”

Playing through a tinny sounding, 10 inch amp, Adrian began a slow, churning line that all four of us fell into right away. I found a stuttering tom beat that supported the slinky guitar line, and Rudy punctuated that with a pulsing bottom end. As we had locked into the groove, Adrian went to a different riff, something much more upbeat and rocking. We began to grasp that the beat was changing, and Todd began staccato stabs against the quickening pace. We looped through the second riff for a few minutes, eventually harnessing it with relative ease. At that point, I had to stop us.

“So, you have somewhat of a song structure to this, don’t you?” I said to Adrian.
“Yeah, I have like, three or four parts.”
“Take us through each one really quick” I replied.

Adrian proceeded to lay out the entirety of our first original song- “Decisive”. I was a bit taken aback. My thought process was that we might be able to get through a few hours of playing, and hopefully feel comfortable with each other. But as we began to create the bed of rhythm for the song, it became clear that this was no ordinary group of musicians. A frisson was apparent, and within the first twenty minutes of our first practice we had the elements of an entire song. This is when Jocelyn invoked all of her experience in the studio, finding a cooing, breathy melody over the more turgid opening riff. Suddenly, everything clicked. You could sense that after Jocelyn began singing, even in a sort of scat form, the tonality of the group could be immense. We took a short break after about an hour, and when we came back in to begin again, Jocelyn had a rough draft of lyrics for the entire song.

“Let’s do this intro into the verse bit on a loop, so I can get the timing down during the change. That will totally set up the  chorus to be something like this.”

“I’ll remove every bit of you”

No one responded to her, and the room that had been bursting with sound moments earlier fell silent. I don’t think anyone could believe how good and how quick we had come up with the song. The psychic sense between the five of us was that maybe we could do anything we wanted to. It was like hitting fast forward, arriving at a moment that should have been weeks, if not months away, in the span of an hour.

We settled in to a regular two practices a week schedule, and songs started to sprout. But, with such a limited time frame due to Adrian’s impending departure, we used found songs to make our own as well. Todd had recorded the lone non Borealis recording project at Steven’s studio; he recorded two of his own songs backed by Jeremy and the Class Ring drummer. They were beautiful pop tunes, and we learned “Mind over Body” in a few hours. We added a few cover songs as well, just to get used to playing more than four songs in a night, and to begin to stretch the band out to a set long format. There is a beautiful flowering tree, a weeping cherry, in the local cemetery that I always wanted to get a PR shot my band with Malthus and Brooke; Surface of Ceres, in front of. I was never able to get the timing down, as there is a very short window while the tree is in full bloom. Anne and I had a gorgeous flowering Japonica in our garden; it’s delicate white flowers blooming into infinity with sheer volume. I decided at the very last minute I would not lose the opportunity for that “blooming” group shot in front of a mass of flowers, much like Peter Hook described the cover to “Power, Corruption, and Lies”- a famous painting by French artist Henri Fantin-Latour reproduced by Peter Saville . “The design captured us in the exact bloom that reflected our musical growth” Hook said. I wanted that shot.

Anne and I hurriedly set up basic lighting before everyone arrived for that night’s practice. She had been working as a fine art black and white photographer for twenty years; her photos well received by galleries between Boston and New York, as well as being commissioned to illustrate several local publications during that period. By the time of the first practice break, with a healthy glow and modest sweat enveloping each of us, Anne captured the photo that would catapult us beyond any previous expectation; the blooms of the Japonica illuminated behind our perfect visage with an infinitesimal depth. She captured the intention of each member- Jocelyn in short hair intriguing, Adrian gazing skyward, angelic- Rudy and Todd in a close near embrace with myself slightly distant and behind them, right arm tucked underneath my left arm in a nod to the very pose I held during the first Thames PR shoot. We had all agreed not to speak to anyone but our very closest friends regarding the group; it was better for us to work in secret and develop at our own pace rather than expose ourselves to unfounded criticism, and a possible subtle jealousy. By the time of the first photo shoot, we had accumulated enough momentum to finally go public with the idea. The next day I put the group photo up on my Facebook page. What happened next was something that would change everything.

Whitney Roberts and Phoebe Stahl were the first of the next generation to migrate to New York City. Luckily for them, they were able to relocate just before the great recession, which kept many of the kids here in town. Not that they lived a life of glamour- bedbugs, squatting, and illegal performance spaces defined the climate of their time there. And the bedbug infestation of New York forced Whitney’s small camp to relocate with Phoebe and her roommates in a two bedroom flat in Brooklyn. What came out of that moment was quite extraordinary. The five of these folks, clinging to each other in a very Station House way, formed a band called All in the Family, and out of those humble beginnings ended up playing their slinky minimalist funk on several continents, getting signed to a record label, and achieving a level of success the Mystic musicians could only dream about. Their very first gig was at a tiny coffee house in town. I remember thinking “How are they going to get a five piece band in there with any room to have people watch?” Plenty of people would be watching in the near future.

The day after I posted the first group photo of the new band, and in the first days that we began to openly speak about it, Whitney posted a comment to the photo page.

“SUPERGROUP! I wanna hear!”

She totally nailed it in one word. We were a sort of supergroup, but not necessarily trying to relive some past glory- instead, essentially five people who came together for one reason- to create new music. This was not the street gang mentality of a bunch of friends sitting around watching TV deciding to start a band because they were bored.This was a situation where there were expectations, and for Whitney to comment in such a way built a confidence in us very few new bands receive. As word started to spread into the local scene that we were an actual band, we were busy crafting the last songs we would need to have a full set, and begin to play live.

Adrian and Jocelyn wrote another killer, rocking tune, Todd contributed three new originals, and we solidified a jam based number into a cohesive song. We had seven original tunes, and felt it was time to book our first show.

The Wishing Well was our local indie rock bar, an incredibly tight space that somehow accommodated the best shows in the area for well over seven years. It had been transformed from a sort of sad, little dive bar into an amazing showcase room, equal to the institutions of New York City. I had known their booking agent Caron Morris for years; I actually pleaded with him to manage Bold Schwa when I knew the business side of things was starting to overwhelm the band’s musical creativity. I emailed him and asked if we could possibly play a Wednesday night; an off night for them show wise, simply to lessen the burden on our own expectations, and to not ask Caron to sacrifice a spot on a weekend with a totally unknown group.

“Why do you want to play a Wednesday?” was his response to my initial request.
“I just figured it is one of our regular practice nights, and I didn’t want to put you out on a weekend show.”
“Forget that! How about Saturday, the 27th of July?”
“We’ll take it. Let me get in touch with everyone to confirm, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. But yeah, we’ll take it.”

Caron had booked our first gig without hearing a note of music.

However, we had nothing but fruitless efforts at finding a proper band name. With our debut show ten days away, we took a break during practice and I implored everyone that we needed to come up with a band name that night. It was usually cool for July, and we congregated in the middle of the gardens at my house to give the band name one last serious push; all of us in agreement that the name we decided to play under for the first show did not have to be the permanent name. I had been emailing ideas to everyone for weeks- with each of them being turned down. In all actuality, none of the names I suggested would have worked- the kids were right. I was famously known for finding great song titles, and terrible band names. However, as we began to talk with days to go, I became somewhat exasperated at their lack of seriousness. Adrian then blurted out “how about ‘Sarah Palin’s Nipple Piercing!’ ” I let out an exaggerated breath, and simply said “we can’t name the band that; for her that’s probably slander…..”

“That’s it!” shouted Todd, “Slander!!!”

Rudy responded with equal exuberance. “Yeah, that is IT!”

“Slander is a possibility……” I replied. I went inside quickly and looked up Slander on the web site the Palace used as one of their primary distributors. There was an English metal band that began in 1992 named Slander, and a burgeoning electronic duo from California also named Slander.

“How about Piercing?” proposed Jocelyn.

We quickly laid down all of the basic tracks for the two songs we were to record, leaving ample time for a few guitar overdubs, and vocals. The intensity started to build after Adrian and Todd had recorded their respective overdubs. The scope of the music was changing instantly in real time, as Michael massaged the various tracks into something we could not have imagined on the ride down.

While most of us took a break to eat, Jocelyn and Todd began a process of finality- recording the vocals that had already defined who we were. This was the true reveal in the potential attraction of our music, I went so far as to think the next four hours could change all of our lives. But instead of adding more layers of pressure, I made sandwiches in the drum hallway from a picnic basket I had prepared with Anne, the previous night. I knew money would be tight, and I had no desire to wander the streets of Brooklyn trying to find something to eat. I also knew Jocelyn and Rudy would be anticipating the moment they could have genuine NYC food. As I laid out the picnic blanket on a guitar case, Todd began his vocal takes. Sixty minutes later, he came out of the studio to meet Adrian and I for sandwiches that we had just finished; I had a fresh one for Todd.

“Are you completely done?” I asked, somewhat curious regarding the process.

“Oh yeah, Joss as well…..” explained Todd in his nonchalant fashion when trying to cover how excited he actually was.

“Sixty minutes?”

“Yeah, we’re going to start mixing after everyone eats.”

Michael spent the first hour of the mix honing in on the room mics he had placed to capture ambient and reflected sound from the amps and the drums. After about thirty minutes, I started to get worried. I was thinking to myself- “man, it seems like you are a genius and all, but nine inch nail remixes are not what I had in mind for our debut single….”

We were more than willing to let Michael shape the sound of the songs within his own vision, but what we were hearing were industrial trappings and brutal distortions, as none of the direct tracks had become present in the mix. At one point, I almost started to address my fear about his direction, but decided against it, as I didn’t want any negative emotions to rise in the room. If the other members were worried, they would have to take it upon themselves to make their point. This was a moment where they were becoming responsible for their own music. As that thought crossed my mind, Michael began to dial in the direct tracks over the room mic bed he had so meticulously worked on. A palpable sense of relief, coupled with an intense moment of magic, came over the five of us. I had never been involved in a mixing session where the engineer mixed from the inside out. What Michael had done was expand the sonic possibilities of the room mics, so that he had an even greater frequency range to display the song’s palette. It was a genius move. Whitney was right.

We packed all of the gear, paid Richard, and individually plied Michael with “Thank You”s and “We Will be Back”s. There was only one thing on everyone’s mind, and that was to get on the road as quickly as possible and put the CDR into the stereo. After five ejects and reloads, we realized the disc wasn’t going to play- either the van’s stereo was shitting the bed or perhaps the finalization wasn’t complete. I was leaning toward the former. Instead, we listened to one of Rudy’s favorite discs, a live recording of Rainbow from 1978. That was followed by Fleetwood Mac’s Tusk, a newly acquired gem in Todd’s musical pantheon. I inserted St. Etienne’s “Foxbase Alpha” into the stereo following the final track on Tusk: “Never Forget”. By the time we crossed the Connecticut River at Old Saybrook,

how random is random? played its most recent card; as “Nothing Can Stop Us Now” blasted through the speakers.

During the drive home, I couldn’t stop thinking about one line in Whitney’s email suggesting that we should record with Michael. She was so spot on about what the recording session would be like, I couldn’t help but turn that sentence around in my mind, between calls for pit stops and safe spots on the interstate to partake.

“get on a cool label! go on tour! etc etc! michael is expensive but amazing…”

We had gone to Michael. We had made an amazing recording. We had found the money. Was it that easy to get on a label? All in the Family had a meteoric rise following the release of their debut single, and I kept trying to stifle the thought that we could replicate their success. Joss wasn’t yet the performer that Whitney was, but she had the voice, and repetition and practice would hone her live skills. I decided to shop the single to labels instead of simply putting it up on the internet for free. Let us find out if we have a great single on our hands; something a label would want to put out, before we unleash it into the digital river.

I also realized we had to immediately start a serious stretch of live shows to garner some attention for the single, with or without a label. Jeremy had started a new band in the city named Boyfriend, and I was able to procure a show for the two bands in Brooklyn at one of the free performance spaces on Broadway. This part of the mission was so much easier than in the pre-internet days, where booking an out of town show usually meant an actual drive to that club, be it in Providence, Boston, or New Haven – and hand delivering your PR kit to the booking agent. That was the only way to stand out amongst all of the other competing acts, and then concise follow up phone calls for weeks after might get you a show. Might. But for our first show in NYC, and only the second Piercing show, I sent two emails to the club and secured the gig.

The first Piercing interview happened in Jeremy’s apartment before the gig with our local daily newspaper, which happened to employ a GSCAZ native who had relocated to Brooklyn.  Lionel Hoinsky was part of the wave of Palace kids in the mid-1990’s, and we had been friends since his arrival at the shop. He even left a brand new copy of Belle & Sebastian’s “Tigermilk” LP at the store which he had procured during a semester abroad- “I have to head back to San Bernardino, play this for people at the store while I’m gone, it’s more important than it being unplayed on a bookshelf in my room out there.”

That was classic Lionel, always thinking of others, always spreading the good word. He became an excellent reporter/journalist, and I was secretly thrilled he would be the first person to write about the band. The interview was brief, and I tried to let the kids tell the story of the band. There were a few stutters, and I filled in the missing information seamlessly, but as the interview went on, we all realized there wasn’t much yet about Piercing to discuss. There was a palpable sense of how much work we all were going to have to commit to building our identity. When we  mentioned that tonight’s show was our second gig, Lionel immediately noticed, and that helped set a template:

“You’re playing your second show, and it’s in Brooklyn?”

Shopping the single, to possibly skip the steps of actually building a fanbase, was to be a fruitless exercise. The record business had not really changed much from Thames trying to turn a national review into a deal. Simply because there was a plethora of indie labels sprouting up across New York, didn’t mean the volume of bands in the ratio of label signings to actual acts was any different. It became increasingly clear that “signing to a label” would be no different than it had ever been. Perhaps, even more difficult. After hearing absolutely nothing in regards to the “Massive b/w Spirits” single we recorded with Michael, the group decided to release the songs online, just like everyone else. Perhaps I had misread the intensity of possibility. But I was also prepared to brace myself for the probable long distance. The band was too exceptional, and there would be no rational reason for me to still be in a rock band after all this time unless it was to capitalize on the possibility of great music.

We would need a classic cover image to stand out amongst the other bands searching for the same success we were striving for. Jocelyn and I began another conversation via email to decide what image suited our next move.

“I want to continue on the same tack we’ve established with Anne and June. How about we do a new shoot featuring June?” was my pitch to Jocelyn.

“Interesting. I like it. We should stay within a minimalist black and white aesthetic for this single. I envision a seedy motel room….”

There were few seedy motel rooms in the greater Mystic area. But I thought the Lamplighter Motel on the Connecticut and Rhode Island border might fulfill her ideas that defined desperation.  I emailed the motel one unseasonably warm night in December about shooting our cover art outside of one of their rooms. To my surprise, they got back to me within minutes.

“We would love to have you shoot your record cover at the motel! The best night of the week for us is Wednesday, can that work within your schedule?”

I replied that of course it would, and thanked them for the opportunity. After sketching out some ideas for the cover, I kept coming back to our theme of the finger weave crossing June’s face from the first. Perhaps that could be a recurring image that defined the band; her fingers, her hand. But it was really more about using her hands to hide something, that an idea or train of thought must be protected. I could see June walking into the motel room, hiding her face in a full fanned hand of stiff fingers, as if someone were trying to capture proof of her presence there. To me, it exemplified the idea that we were hiding in plain sight, and also- hopefully, that  a torrent of attention would continue. June was a total professional the night of the shoot, in the pallid cold of early January. Wearing a black mini and heels while walking the same five feet over and over again, Anne tried to frame the hand hiding June’s face into an image that would define the moment.  The plastic soffit liners above became a figurative grid, the darkness of the door became a witness, and June’s stabbed step defined the element of our progress; in a simplistic manner. After proofing the shoot later that week, the three of us felt we had created something that contributed mightily to the concept, toward the “totality of image” Piercing were seeking. I was confident that Jocelyn would find our next cover within the depth of these images.

Once the cover was finished and the five of us agreed on the content, I decided to send the tracks to Whitney before we went live with them. I was reticent to ask her for help in the search for a label, feeling that she had already done enough  opening  the back door of the club to let us in. And yet, having resigned ourselves to the fact that instant success was not necessarily in the cards for Piercing, Whitney at least deserved to hear the Michael recordings before anyone else did. I sent her the tracks with a simple thank you for giving us the heads up about Stormy Harbour, and hoped she would listen to them, and enjoy them- personally. Generations of Mystic musicians were always writing songs about each other, and that topic lent itself to an inner dialogue which was meant to be the essence of our inherent theory- that criticism held a responsibility toward shaping art. If Whitney should relay that we made the right decision, it would be much easier to move forward. Shockingly, she sent me an email asking if she could forward the tracks to her friend at Earcandy. It was easy to respond.

“Of course you can, thanks for thinking so highly of the recordings!” I replied.

I knew immediately upon hearing this news that we were going to need a video to support the single. It was a fascinating trend to witness, as the early days of MTV had such a profound effect on me as a young listener. In those days, you could only dream of having a video being seen on a national stage. Today, if you didn’t have one, you were either making an extreme statement, or had no desire to be mentioned on the influential blogs. We had already explored the “what price fame?” and seedy motel angles; I began to imagine a video that brought these previous elements toward an even wider palette. I began to write a script that was tethered by the various threads involved, deciding that we would go back to the Lamplighter- and the spirit of the song would be June herself, trapped in a seedy motel room by her own desire for fame. And Piercing would be unwittingly trapped in her void of course, as the entertainment.  I had never attempted to write in this manner, but once I had settled my mind on the imagery, it came together rather quickly. I sent another request to the Lamplighter, asking if we could use a vacant room during the weekend of the annual Arts Fest in New London, which we were asked to participate in as the opening act on the music side of the festival. It was the only weekend  where Adrian was to be in town for more than two days, which provided a window of opportunity. But it was going to be a tight schedule, with a group practice Friday night from 7.30 to 11pm, and then having to arrive at the motel the next morning by 9am to shoot the exteriors for the video before noon.

Saturday night was the festival appearance, and then we needed to be back at the Lamplighter by noon on Sunday to shoot  six hours of interiors. If that wasn’t enough Piercing activity for one weekend, Adrian also had to take a three hour train ride back to Brooklyn Sunday night, arriving at his apartment by 10pm, as he had to be at work at 9am on Monday morning. Todd had to drive back to New Haven for his Monday morning class.  Rudy at the Foundry. This was the kind of commitment I was secretly seeking since our very first meeting- an absolutely massive effort to maintain the day to day and create at a high level. If we could pull all of this off, and everyone made it to their job on Monday, I would be convinced of our staying power, and at becoming something more than potential.

I met with a local videographer named Revel Gamble, whom everyone he knew affectionately called him Rev. He had done some good work that we found interesting, but it was really our lack of budget that brought us together. Rev was willing to do the video for $200, editing and every other detail. At first, I couldn’t believe the symbiosis, but he assured me that he wasn’t in it for the money; he was trying to build the broadest resume possible as he made his way toward film school in Los Angeles; his own big dream. I showed him the finished script, and took him through the basic staging for each shot.

“I tried to make each shot as simple as possible, so you won’t have to search through layers of film to find what you need. It’s fairly straightforward, but it is eight minutes long.”

Instead of making one video for one of the songs, I thought perhaps, to stand out amongst the hordes of other videos that would be released in just that week, we would make an eight minute short film encompassing both songs of the single.  The concept was simple, each of the Piercing members would show up individually to the Lamplighter and check in- carrying no instruments, each with a small overnight bag. We would all be wearing regular gig clothes as we checked in. I showed Rev how he could set up the camera in one spot and get each of us arriving by van, and then capture each of us from behind the front desk as we checked in. These would be the shots for Saturday morning. For the second session on Sunday, he would set up another single shot to film each of us individually entering the room, tossing our bags on the bed, setting each motel key on the nightstand, and entering the bathroom.  The final shots of the first song would be of June appearing in the room’s lone mirror, poised inside the empty bathroom. She walks out into the room, and each member of Piercing follows her in single file- a room full of instruments awaits us. In my imagined continuance of the film, the second song begins, and it is revealed that all of the artwork in the room has been replaced by huge framed pictures of June herself, trapped in her own desire for fame.  We were now her personal house band, playing “Spirit” to her as she writhed on a queen size bed, covered in decades of photos of herself shot by Anne.

As we arrived at the Lamplighter there was a perfect thin layer of snow covering the grounds. This exemplified the wintry element of the songs, and would add dimension to our intended black and white footage. Adrian was the first to drive the van up and set the stage. Rev improvised an inspired shot from the front of the van toward Adrian, while keeping the simplicity of the other repeating shots intact.

“Yeah, when you reach to turn off the van, look at me, but don’t look at me, look like I’m not there….”

It was an insightful move, his direction added confidence at this very early stage. Jocelyn followed, then Rudy, then myself, and finally Todd. We each exited the driver’s side of the van, and opened the back door, to get our personal belongings; each shot a repetition of the previous. We then enacted the same process at the front desk for each member. As we wrapped up the morning’s shoot, we all went back into the front desk area to thank our hosts.

“You know, with the casino nearby, we get lotsa show people staying here. We were more than proud to help you folks get this video done.”

Louise then turned, and with her left arm outstretched, with her first finger pointed sharply at the back wall, directing our attention to the black and white glossies autographed, and then framed, of entertainers who had stayed at the Lamplighter. Crystal Gayle, Hank Williams Jr, a race car driver whose name I didn’t recognize… But Louise was making the point that she was thrilled to have us there, as if we were on the level of Crystal Gayle and the son of Hank Williams. A part of me found it quite polite and endearing, the more I thought about it, the more I realized we looked like a real band to people who didn’t know us. We were a real band. Our presentation and preparedness was professional and simultaneously ambitious, and even the people running the motel at the state line could sense it.

We opened the Rock Show at the annual Arts Fest to a curious crowd waiting to see if all of the initial interest was genuine. This was the biggest stage we had yet to appear on, simply in pure size. Rudy had no issues with this, and proceeded to exaggerate all of his traditional rock moves, heavy handed- but tried and true, across the voluminous space. Adrian conveyed his trademark presence effortlessly, but confined himself to a degree I found unusual. Todd played it totally safe, as was his wont, standing mostly erect and accentuating only the most concise moments, where he would not necessarily be in a moment of exposure. Jocelyn put on a puzzling performance. Dressed in a tight wool mini and schoolgirl sweater, she seemed poised to prowl , to find audience members to entrance- but instead, she retreated into  vocalist only mode, pitching perfect sounds from her repertoire but holding back on the essence of being our focal point. This was a norm in the studio, where she could exist behind the glass, but that wouldn’t translate onstage. Even considering those elements, there was a definitive definition about where we actually were. This was only the fourth show Piercing had played.

We were entertaining, as the songs themselves proved to work in a large hall, but there was obvious room to grow. And yet, we were filming our debut video within the moments between shows, and our responsibilities. Piercing as a whole was beginning to understand what it would take- invoking an essence- to return in full on the advantages that we possessed.

The dawn on Sunday brought in even colder weather, fortunately for us- we would be filming indoors the entire day. The Lamplighter people were incredibly professional, offering us a second room as a staging area and a place where we could execute the changing of outfits, as well as a warm haven when certain folks were not in the camera eye. To create the changed world in which June as the Spirit existed, we had to strip the room of almost all of its furnishings, replacing the art on the walls with framed Anne photos, and many nights work from Anne to photocopy hundreds of June images that would adorn the bed at the center of the video.  Everything went into the second room, which helped hide our presence from the rest of the guests. As is usually the case on a video shoot, something had to be missing. I had brought the wrong cords to plug the CD player into our small PA, so we could play along in time to the recording that would be matched up to the video in post-production.  It wasn’t such a bad moment for us to grab a breather, but I had to sprint back the 10 miles to Mystic and retrieve the proper connections. The windshield was caked in winter’s salt sand mixture, and the low sun pelted me with a searing brightness as I squinted to see the highway. We had to wrap by 6pm- the motel needed the room that night and the Piercing travelers needed every extra minute they could save on their respective commutes. The dry, cold landscape whirring by at 70 miles an hour defined the distance we would have to cross to make all of this effort come to fruition. I leaned on the gas pedal and got the van up to 75.

June was brilliant, taking my awkward staging of each shot and gloriously adding effortless grace to the character. And Rev was getting everything down in one shot sequences, just as we had talked about. Each Piercing member was also articulating their image at a high level, and the fashions we wore were a purposeful reflection of the previous decades in music- I was wearing the Apple Boutique Nehru jacket as a sixties figure, Adrian wore a loose paisley shirt with maroon pants, beaded jewelry dangling as our seventies image, Todd in a tight khaki Bill Blass suit representing the efficiency of the eighties, and Rudy in a traditional black suit with white shirt and black tie- our nod to the nineties when rock had reached nirvana and would exist in the world of business from then on. Jocelyn was draped in an elegant twenties gown from Anne’s collection of model fashions, representing the eternal underpinning of each of these decades.  We would be prepared to immediately release new material into the world if the Earcandy review was as positive as it seemed it was going to be. After capturing the interior shots for the “Massive” half of the video, we stopped to let Anne photograph us in that environment for our next PR photos. The four instrumentalists stood at each corner of the bed, while Jocelyn sat within the mass of June photocopies.

“Joss, lean back on your right hand

yes….

just like that…..”

We tried to practice as much as possible with the four Piercing members who lived in town. Two nights after the New Haven show, the four of us, sans Adrian, were due to get together at 7.30 pm. Rudy arrived first, carrying somewhat of an attitude, I assumed in response to the chastising in the van.

“Hey, are you mad at me for getting on you guys at the gig Tuesday?”

“Nah, you were right. We should’ve been in there by the time you came out to get us. I’m just fucking pissed at my ex-girlfriend, she came by the apartment again today.”

Rudy had a contentious relationship with his ex-girlfriend. They had broken up months earlier after living together for two years, and every three weeks like clockwork she would show up at his apartment claiming she had left something behind during her move and wanted to look for it. Oftentimes, she would leave with a spoon from the drawer, or an unused sponge from the bathroom, but she always left with something. I wondered if she was secretly planting these items just to get inside his head.

Todd arrived a few minutes later.

“Hey sorry I’m late guys.”

“No worries, man. Joss isn’t here yet, yr fine.” I replied.

The three of us began to address some of the finer details of our involvement. And then the phone rang. It was Jocelyn.

“I’m not going to make it tonight, I think Marcus is breaking up with me……….”

She was softly sobbing, in such a refined way that I almost questioned her about it- as it seemed that she was acting like a grade school kid pretending to be sick to miss the days classes. But the two of them had been living in her mother’s house for months, and as she continued, I started to discern a different tone in her tears. She was petrified to be alone with her mom in the house; that much I was sure of. Not that she didn’t adore her mother, but that the situation represented failure. I could also sense a loyalty she never revealed to me. She had found a relationship in which she could be comfortable, where she could be herself and not what was expected of her. And she was perilously close to losing that.

“Hey- don’t worry about it. Rudy, Todd, and I can get some work in- take the night to try and make things right between you and Marcus.”

“Ok, thanks….” she said between sniffles.  “I gotta go…..”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

I hung up the landline. I still refused to buy a cell phone, always stating that Thames had no trouble navigating tours without them.  I opened the door to the studio and Todd and Rudy had the exact same look on their face. They knew what was happening. They were far closer socially to Jocelyn and Marcus than I would ever be.

“Joss isn’t going to make it, she’s fighting with Marcus and is seriously worried they might be breaking up.” I told the two of them.

“What, does her pussy hurt?” was Rudy’s retort.

I was stunned. Being raised by women, I could have never imagined making such a remark. Was Rudy being serious? His misplaced misogyny always appeared to be part of a larger construct, where he was actually doing a parody of his worst thoughts, but this time it seemed , for the lack of a better word, genuine. Was he questioning whether Joss was cancelling her arrival due to a menstrual moment? Or was he correlating her fight with Marcus in the most masculine way, that she had just experienced a kick to a set of balls that she did not possess? Rudy had been a long time vinyl customer at the Palace; it was the foundation of the delicate relationship we had before he became the bassist for Piercing. I knew of his caustic ways, and yet, I couldn’t help but think that he really was way out on a limb here, and that he must have a specific disdain for women.

“Does her what hurt? Oh, come on man, I don’t want to hear shit like that…..” I replied to Rudy

“Yeah, that’s harsh man…” added Todd

“Well what, we’re all here, and it’s ok for her to just bail out at the last minute all the time? My job is ten times harder than the four of you combined, and I’m always at practice, always on time for the gigs. Fuck that shit.”

I understood where he was coming from as far as defending himself- he was always on time and was always ready. And his job of forging high end metals was at least four times as hard as working at a school, or going to college, or working at a record store, or painting backdrops for photo shoots. But this attitude could not stand; it was against the very creative principle that we had worked so hard to establish, and that we were reaping the benefits of. I wasn’t going to let his leaking misogynistic behavior derail us.

“Man, I can understand where you are coming from, and I don’t want to all of the sudden start laying out everything I do for the band just to prove a point. But this is no place for hating on people, we have no space and I have no patience for it. Don’t take out your frustrations about the ex-girlfriend on us. “

“That’s easy for you to say, living with Anne….”

“She’s had to put up with much more bullshit from me that the other way around. So, that angle won’t get you off the hook. Just ease up a bit on the Joss criticism, and I’ll talk to her about not missing practices at the last minute. Do we have a deal?”

“Yeah….”

“Remember what I said a few weeks ago about success? And how the immediate members of the band are the people who can create doubt about holding onto it? Because you might question their future performance? This is what I was talking about. We can’t be suspicious of each other, it will lead us nowhere.”

I suggested we start working on Todd’s new song, a lilting pop number that built in intensity to a subtle roar. This was new territory for us, trying to expand the set with a slow song.  Our entire show up to that point was something of a rock and roll sprint- barreling, banging numbers competing for space. Now, we we’re prepared to hone in on a depth that was desperately needed. I found a slinky beat built off of simple eighth notes on the ride cymbal, alternating snare and tom hits on the two and four downbeat. It gave the verses a stuttering, floating edge that Rudy punctuated with broad whole notes, filling the room with a sonic scripture. Todd sat on top, gently articulating the main melody, which existed comfortably between the rolling drums, and the steady, deep bass.

“Let’s do that change from the verse into the bridge on repeat for a few passes.” I asked, trying to coerce a final arrangement to salvage the night.

“Yeah, sure. Just give me a look when you want to stop.” Todd was on top of his game this night, and I wanted to push him to finish.

Two hours later, we had a working arrangement. But, more importantly than that, Todd had nailed his guitar solo over the final build, and it was exquisite. As the arrangement took on more depth, and the beat and bass became somewhat epic, he tastefully executed a delicate picking riff, one that climbed up the frets in a calculated manner akin to the anticipation of waiting for the drugs to kick in. The final note from his guitar sat at the height of the frequency range, while everything else dissolved into near silence. It was as if Everett True was in our room, telling us to play QUIETER! – instead of his famous request of Galaxie 500, twenty three years earlier in a London nightclub. As we turned a specific corner musically, even as a displaced three piece, it became much more obvious that the “supergroup” element had unanticipated baggage of its own. As well as unanticipated success. It would be something we would have to corral in the foreseeable future.

As we made it through March, another complexity developed. Geneva Holiday had begun working on a new album, and were in the process of writing forty new songs. They were also playing every gig they were offered- bars, all ages shows, backyards. I was sensing a struggle within Rudy when he would call me to see if Piercing had a show on a night Geneva had an opportunity to play. In addition to their accelerated live schedule, they were recording in New Haven over the course of three consecutive Tuesdays in April. Continuing our well established routine wasn’t particularly difficult at that point, as we had gigs booked into May. But being in two very active bands certainly had to take its toll on Rudy.

During one five day stretch in early April, Rudy had a Geneva recording session in New Haven at 9pm, a Piercing gig in Manhattan two days later, a Geneva show in New London the next night, and finally, an all-ages show in Mystic the final night of the five. Three of those mornings were 6am alarm clock arrivals so he could get to the foundry by 7am. It seemed highly unlikely he could keep up that pace indefinitely.

One of the music bloggers who wrote about the first single came out to see us that Thursday night at the Water Co. in NYC. I immediately recognized her when she entered the room, and we mutually walked toward each other.

“Hello Ellery, nice to meet you in the real world.”

“Nice to meet you, Eden.”

“I love the single; so fresh, so unabashedly rocking- in a good way!”

I loved to hear people say we were rocking without being “rock”. That was the initial idea and it seemed as if we had honed in on it within ten months. I kept hearing the voice in my head say the same thing over and over- ‘give me another ten months, give me another ten months…..’ I noticed some people enter the club that she was trying to get the attention of.

“Hey, some friends of mine just showed up, I’m going to get a drink, but I want to talk to you after the show.”

“Of course.”

I had been exchanging emails with Tabitha each day discussing the video for a few weeks before the Water Co. show. One day, when she suggested the audience members should be in all white, I went through the area thrift stores buying anything white that looked appropriate. I would then send her photos of the garments, hoping that our preparation would allow us to film the entire video in the three days she had carved out for us- exactly one month from tomorrow. This constant back and forth caught the attention of Anne in a way I had not anticipated. She declared on Wednesday night that she was going to the gig in New York the next night. That was fine with me; Anne had seen every facet of my musical ambition, and this would be the first time she watched me play in NYC with Piercing. And yet, as Tabitha approached the two of us, I was pleading for her to not give me the courtesy hug, which we had exchanged the first time we met at Cabinets. I reached out with my right hand, curled into the cone that initiated the secret handshake amongst the Palace regulars- “The Beak”, where two people can reach out toward the others hand, and quickly open the clasped fingers into a full hand.  Jocelyn and I had introduced her to “The Beak” at the Cabinets show, and I was hoping she would redeem our reconnection here.  Tabitha reached out, and then proceeded to give me the courtesy hug in front of Anne. It was innocuous enough, but Anne and I had a compact about other people and their immediate intimacy. We had been together for twenty-two years at that point, so we had faith in our subtle social controls. I could sense Anne shift as Tabitha said to her- “hello, nice to meet you.” They were both photographers, and I sincerely believed they could find common ground, as Anne and I had with so many artists we had  worked with over the years. And yet, there was an intuitive change. Was it that Anne could sense what the band might become? And that I was headed down a road where she would be left home alone for weeks at a time while I toured? The intrinsic element about Borealis within our relationship was that there was no threat of touring; but with Piercing, it was becoming all too apparent.

We played a decent set, had a good response from the crowd, and noticed a handful of people that were not Anne or Tabitha taking photos of us. We packed all of our gear and proceeded to bring everything out to the van, so we could leave when we were ready to hit the road. After getting myself a beer, Eden came over.

“Hey, nice set, you guys could really be onto something.”

“Thank you very much. It’s been hard to refine the songs as much as we’d like to, having Adrian living in Brooklyn and the other four of us in Connecticut.”

“I don’t think it’s the songs themselves you need to refine, it’s your presence. How you sell the songs to the audience.”

“Do you mean everybody? I mean, not the crowd, but the band?”

I was a bit taken aback, did I not just witness Rudy dazzle with his histrionics while holding down a perfect bottom end? Adrian played a fantastic set, Todd was his usual timid self, but sang with a convincing emotion. Joss sounded scintillating from where I was sitting. After a pause, Eden continued.

“She’s not very confident, is she?”

“I think she is too aware that everyone’s eyes are on her. “ I replied.

Midnight. Sprinting up the FDR. The Willis Avenue Bridge.  Bruckner. Hutchinson.  I-95. New Haven. Groton. Mystic. 3AM. I grab a beer, turn on the computer, and check the band email. Show offers for June. Quotes from printers for merchandise. And a request for an interview with a Dutch music magazine.

After getting out of work on Saturday, I had one objective: to Dropbox the new single to the mastering lab in Brooklyn. For “Massive/Spirit”, I had felt that I needed to be in the room as the mastering process took place. But that turned out to be a very long twelve hour day, a round trip NYC jaunt when I had just driven that route four days prior, to watch Frank Wayne effortlessly transfer the studio masters into a finished product. We both agreed I could simply send the files, and he would send the mastering back.

My first attempt to load the files went horribly wrong, as I attached the wrong mixes by mistake.

He emailed me back with cute sarcasm “maybe you should have come down to Brooklyn! jk get me the .wav files.” I was temporarily mortified. With the proper files sent, and the download complete on his end, I heaved a sigh of relief. I closed out the programs, and shut off the machine for the night. The next morning, after tea, I fired up the computer, to be greeted with a black screen, with text in a font that brought me back to my eighth grade mathematics class. Our ancient teacher was enthralled with the possibility of computers, and part of his curriculum was having his students learn the rudimentary vagaries of programming. Malthus was his star student. I had trouble not being blinded by the blinking cursor, which is what I was staring at this Sunday afternoon. I had barely gotten out the new single for mastering before my ten year old computer swallowed its tail.

Malthus was able to save the contents of the C drive on the blown machine, and custom built us a new computer, loading our files into it four days later. This was crucial for Piercing because the biggest show of our young career was coming up in two weeks, at Huntington Grounds, the all-ages space in Brooklyn.  The Grounds were the epicenter of the second wave of Brooklyn DIY alternative venues, and we were playing third of four on a bill with a national touring headliner, a local Brooklyn group, and Phoebe Kahn’s new outfit Finito. As much time as I had been spending doing PR for the band, this was our most crucial week up to this point.

brooklyn / grounds PR

twitter blast

call cabinets / 22 may

call joss/rudy video

check for water co. photos

LLC *

email angela at TONY

check nyc listings

email caron / lineup switch?

finito at dr. watson / boston?

adrian / boston?

EPK / CMJ submission

check new haven shows

call cort about video location

register live in studio

call adrian about string gauge / practice

call joss todd rudy / departure time for HG

Jeremy and his partner Tricia Brown, who was also a multi-instrumentalist in Boyfriend, met us on the street outside of Huntington as I eased the van into a parallel spot. I prided myself with my ability to always know which direction we might be heading toward in the van, but Brooklyn continued to stymy I was totally lost with ten minutes until load in time at the club, and was begging Rudy to find the club on his cell as we wandered around the industrial section of Brooklyn that housed much of the burgeoning art scene. The moment I started to panic about the “out of town band” rolling in on their own schedule, Jeremy called Todd and talked us through three swift turns that put us in front of the Grounds.

“Hey man, thanks, I always lose my frame of reference in Brooklyn.” I told Jeremy.

“Yeah, of course. I figured since you weren’t here yet you must be lost. You never show up late to gigs.”

We hauled the gear up the two flights of industrial stairs, greeted by a twentysomething doorman who looked as if he was recruited from the opposite of central casting. A slight, gracious figure, but certainly miles away from the typical Manhattan doorman, whose intimidating presence was all the security that was needed on the LES. But this was just some kid, who maybe practiced at the Grounds during the day- there was nothing intimidating about him. His role was to collect the door cash and to create the initial impression that everything was underground, and if you simply played it cool, this could all continue to exist underground. I had only once before felt that vibration, when I was in Amsterdam and the locals all advised me to “leave Amsterdam in Amsterdam”  and don’t take some hash with you on the plane. It wasn’t worth it. The people at the Grounds knew they were getting away with something because they didn’t flaunt their success. They were operating on a very Post point of view, and it’s attraction was indelible. I wanted to get to know these people and find out how they were pulling it off.

Maurice Lyon had grown up in Ledyard, just to the north of Mystic. We had never met until he booked Piercing for this gig, but he was quite excited to help a band from TGSECAZ get footing in Brooklyn.

“I had never heard of you guys until I saw the Earcandy review. When I read that you were from Connecticut, I definitely wanted to book you at the Grounds.”

He had attended school in Brooklyn, and by the time he graduated, had become involved with a group of artists and musicians that were life-long city residents.  Having been a guitar player the bulk of his life, Maurice found himself playing guitar in a long standing borough outfit known as The Constitution, whose confrontational lyrical content harnessed all of the great ‘80’s outsider music, without being derivative. The Constituition was made up of three neighborhood friends who had yet to spend more than four months apart since the time they entered kindergarten. Huntington Grounds was their baby; their contribution to the culture they had cut their teeth on. The room was one large, open space, with a handmade stage along the long, back wall. A soundbooth provided perfect isolation within its windowed walls, and a mural of the ancient Grounds from which they had procured the name ran the length of the corridor to the bathrooms and backstage area. There was enough room backstage to house each of the band’s gear for the night, and once we had loaded everything we had in there, we set out to see what was going on here firsthand, and not some recap from Jeremy two weeks later about how “you guys missed the best night ever!”

Finito opened the night. I had listened to their songs online, but that was not nearly enough preparation for the live experience. They existed within a wall of sound, but not the clichéd banging out max volume within each frequency. They were subtle, and daring; the dexterous guitar of lead singer Matthew Barbour sat on top of Phoebe’s throbbing bass and the slack fluidity of James’ drum stylings. And instead of the traditional Fresnel light can show, films were projected over the band that they themselves had shot and edited from the streets of New York. I wasn’t having a rapture moment thinking I was in the new Factory, but it was scintillating rock and roll; which was in desperately short supply. Bonaparte, a local Brooklyn band, played next, and they were a traditional tight, guitar based band, similar to the one The Infectious Reality had opened for in New Haven a few years back. But their bassist/lead vocalist was wearing a custom cut tank top that revealed his nipples with every turn of his torso. I was petrified as the Piercing members entered the van for a show in NYC- whether their clothing would betray us as outsiders from the hinterland. I myself had decided on a strict uniform that was best for me, after our very first show at the Wishing Well. When I saw photos of that show online, with my paisley button down and over-dyed magenta jeans, I looked like someone definitively not of the kids generation. I needed to be anonymous. It was black jeans and a black tee after that night. And yet, seeing his outfit was a relief. And in an interesting unconscious nod to the past, Jocelyn was shining in a maroon regality that evening, much as she was that specific night in New Haven, years earlier.

We hurriedly set up our gear so that we wouldn’t be responsible for dragging the timing of the night. This aspect of playing live was crucial at this point, and we were beginning to enact an exact choreography that enabled us to be in the best position to play the songs, and minimize what the staff was responsible for. That was a key; and each of us knew it. The songs themselves were the strength of our band, what we had to do was rise up musically to convey their inherent power. And on this stage, we would have to. Our aspirations depended upon it. I was slightly worried that Rudy had decided to play his hot pink 1980’s bass, I was praying that Joss and Todd would Listen for each other, but I was enthralled with Adrian’s look and his visceral attitude. Growing up in the punk scene gave him an edge the other four of us were not in possession of. And then Jocelyn introduced the band.

“hey, we’re Piercing. We’re from Connecticut, and ummm, Rhode Island, and uhhhh, Brooklyn.”

“yr from MYSTIC!” shouted Jeremy from his place in the front row, amongst a crowd of eighty people waiting for us to do something special.

“we’re from Myyyystic!” Jocelyn replied with a flourish.

We play another decent set, but as Jocelyn drawls “thank you, Huntington Grounds” over the last rise of our distortion, I was worried what Thomas was going to say. He had been faithfully attending each of our shows in the city, being a transplanted Brooklynite, and wasn’t convinced of my investment in Piercing. The band had yet to develop the pacing needed over the course of a night when you are playing third on a four band bill, and tonight- we were a bit exposed. Jocelyn, in the biggest live show of her life, had one too many by the last song. That part, I could understand, as the concept of “all eyes are upon you” began to truly sink in over the previous six weeks. Thomas was skeptical.

“She’s just not embracing the role. The voice is great, although it sounded like she ran out of gas by the last tune. She looks the part. It’s about confidence, and I’m not sure what else you can do to instill it.”

“We’re going to keep pushing as hard as we can, and keep getting shows so we can hone in on the exactness needed. I think we can do it. I know we can do it. And thanks for coming out, again. It’s always good to see you.”

We caught the first four songs of Lunar Calendar, who were spectacular, with driving guitars over precise synth programs.

But, my ears were getting a bit tired, and I wanted to catch up more with Thomas, so we decided to step out onto the narrow, elevated porch.

The cool spring air of the city was a refreshing change from the humidity of the club. Even though we did not exactly knock one out of the park in our biggest show to date- we had made it there, played well, acted like humble professionals, and would be back in Mystic  in plenty of time for everyone’s work schedule. I sensed a certain moment of relaxation I had yet to find in this band. Being with Thomas, being slightly tired and sweaty, being in the club- these were the foundations of who I had been since 1985. And I was still in the game. And that is when I first met Maurice face to face.

There was no way I could have been prepared for what happened next. As Lunar Calendar wound down their final song, The Constitution crew began setting up a huge, wide screen TV, and started dialing in satellite dish images. Meanwhile, the sound crew for the club was busy getting the audio signal into the main house PA. A crowd of fifty of their closest friends had started to position themselves around the screen, so each person could see at the closest possible angle. Maurice leaned over to me, and said-

“We’re on Letterman in ten minutes. We filmed it yesterday, and they are showing it tonight.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, The Constitution.”

It reminded me of a night the extended Mystic kids decamped to Thomas’ house to watch the best indie band from Connecticut make their live television debut on Letterman, 24 years earlier. Miracle Legion was our single biggest influence; a band from our land that almost made it over the top toward a wider acceptance. And yet, I’m not sure any of us would sign up for the trials and tribulations that they went through along the way. Like all the local musical pioneers before us, we had to minimize mistakes to realize the ultimate value of what Miracle Legion had carved out. And then, The Constitution were on the screen; the volume was as loud for the broadcast as it had been for the previous four live acts of the night. It was an interesting peek into a new world, watching the Constitution community, and the extended Huntington Grounds community, together in their self-made space; experiencing the highest expression of their art on a national stage. We were watching them watch themselves. I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment on the ride home. Of all the shows and nights at the Grounds, Piercing was there when the musicians who made it all possible were watching themselves on Letterman. After their song had been completed, I went up and gave Maurice a hug, which he genuinely reciprocated.

“Congrats man, it was unbelievable to be here- of all nights!”

“Surreal…. But you know what made the whole trip worth it? Paul Shaffer. Coolest guy I’ve met playing music.”

“Well, that isn’t a surprise. Glad you got to experience it. We have to hit the road, thanks again for all you’ve done for us, we would love to come back.”

“Oh, most definitely! I’ll send you Lora’s email address tomorrow; she’s taking over the booking for the next four months while we go out on the road.”

“Thanks again, stay in touch from the road, ok?”

“Ok, man!”

That would be Piercing’s only appearance at the Grounds.

Tabitha returned to Mystic with the rest of us following the Grounds show; we were scheduled to scout video locations for “Decisive” two days later on that Saturday. We had been trying to come up with location ideas for weeks, to no avail, sitting on a concept with no way to execute Saturday, and the two hour window I had to drive everyone around to possible locations during an “extended lunch break” would be our only opportunity to find the large scale construct Tabitha and I had spent so many hours dissecting. Cult of Piercing. There would be no stop in New Haven for Todd on this trip home, but after getting back on the highway after dropping Jocelyn off, I was worried I would have to drive Tabitha to her mother’s house in Rhode Island. Rudy was far closer, and his car was parked at my house. But, did I even dare to ask Rudy at this late hour to drive Tabitha home? Someone had to do it. Rudy was off on Saturday, so I took a stab at it.

“Hey man, can you take Tabitha home for the final leg of the journey…?  So I don’t have to drive all the way back home?”

“Sure, little buddy. You got it.”

Rudy was a strange dude. There when you needed him the most, there when you needed him the least.

We met at 3pm on that Saturday at the Palace: me, Jocelyn, Tabitha, and Todd. An early lead we had stumbled across was the multiple building property at Town’s End, a sprawling 1800’s complex that was just now in the process of being subdivided. The owner was a fifth generation Burows that occupied the main dwelling, but after the slight economic recovery, decided to take a chance and sell it all off. There existed a remote possibility that one of the outbuildings could be used free of charge for the video shoot.  We grooked onto the far side of the property, to get an unadulterated look at the open barn doors.

“Not enough light” muttered Tabitha.

One down.

Our next stop was an abandoned school for the blind, on the high, western side of the river valley. You could see the modern structures that were added to the campus in the 1960’s from the highway and certain roads in town. But that view belied the actual condition of the property, which had been vacated years earlier. The original structures from the 1920’s- dilapidated, were left to the ruins of budgetary concern.  Todd grew up in a neighborhood built after WWII to accommodate returning GI’s, which happened to be within walking distance of the abandoned school. It was on his suggestion that we climbed up there to scout.

“Supposedly, it’s haunted, and that there was some ritual killing down the valley side toward the river, in the woods. A 1980’s fable.” Todd explained.

I found that incredibly strange, having lived in the valley my entire life, to have never caught wind of this tale. The bedeviling lore that encased my childhood was that of The Pafford Close, a looping route that encircled the local reservoir, which was supposedly haunted. A handful of period restaurants and businesses in town had exhibited haunted tendencies, as well. But I had never heard of this murder parable near the river in the 1980’s. Each generation perpetuates their own myth, more than likely devaluing them. This was one of the collisions of my own cultural experience and the kids. We shared the same mythology, without knowing the entirety of the others. I was still completely confident I could make these elements coexist.

For the most part, the school was abandoned. The State of Connecticut was the owner at this juncture, and the signs touting its potential for sale littered the property. We went to the front door of  what appeared to be the main office, and found it unlocked.  Tabitha just walked in. We followed her down the corridor, past administrative offices, and a few classrooms. Every inch of paint was peeling as if they were unclipped fingernails, curling into themselves. Dead desks littered the rooms, the detritus of decades. Around the first corner, we came across what seemed to be a  performance area, not big enough to be a hall, but it had a proper stage , and room for an audience of at least a hundred people.

“This is it.” Tabitha stated, with confident authority.  Each syllable given the same, exact enunciation.

I always found it fascinating to work with an artist convinced, and Tabitha exuded every element of such a creator. In the near distance, we could hear footsteps coming down the hallway. A timid look between the four of us conveyed the sensation that certainly we couldn’t be in any danger? And yet, no one spoke. The steps grew louder until it was apparent a person was entering the performance area.

“Hey, what are you guys doing in here?”

Tabitha took seven brisk steps toward him with her right hand outstretched.

“Hi, I’m Tabitha Williams. I’m a film maker from New York City and we’re scouting locations for a music video. These guys are part of the band.”

He blurted out a “Hi”, startled that she had taken such initiative.

“This room is perfect for what we’re trying to do. Do you think there is any way we could get in here, say, in two weeks for about six hours?”

She had the confidence of a political donor negotiating a date to stay in the Lincoln bedroom. I was impressed.

“Well, ummm….. you could maybe sneak in here for about an hour during a Saturday afternoon, right about this time of day. I would be here and I could cover for you, but I might be risking my job.”

This was getting a bit far-fetched. Did Tabitha and Todd arrange this “chance” meeting? This guy was really going to go out on a limb for a music video with some local kids from town?

“Thanks for the offer, but that sounds a bit risky, don’t you think? I’d need more than an hour to maximize the space, so how about we make a deal? I know a state senator that may be able to get us in here with clearance. But if that fails, would you still give us an hour to shoot?”

“Yeah. I can do that. My name’s Ty. I’m here every weekend.”

“Nice to meet you Ty, I’m Tabitha, and this is Piercing.”

“Cool band name, what kind of music do you play?”

“Post-punk; a modern minimal take on rock- with a healthy dose of pop.” I offer. “Go to this music site, Earcandy, and search for “Piercing.” You can hear what we’ve recorded.”

“I’ll check it out”

Tabitha adds a final word: “Thanks. We’ll be in touch”

“I really want to make an R rated video.” offered Tabitha as we were riding to a local diner after the scout.

I was just dropping them off, as I had to return to the Palace. I slowly turned to her, and rolled my eyes.

“C’mon now, haven’t we been over this? What makes you think that is sequential to forward our current image?” I coolly responded.

“I think the song is so dirgey during the intro, and it goes on for a bit…. I thought we could have Joss and a male lead in undies and skivvies, to enhance the slow grind.”

“Really…..”

“Yeah, really. I think we can get a tasteful blend of lovers on the edge and the band doing interiors at the school.” said Tabitha, in the coaxing voice of a film director.

“Twining, you need to totally lighten up. I’d be up for that kind of a shoot Tabitha.” Jocelyn said, campaigning for the R rated video.

I said nothing, trying to hide any outward emotion; but I was livid. I accompanied everyone into the diner to continue the conversation with Tabitha. The issue was continuity. Todd was just ahead of me, and Joss made a bee line for the rest room. As we waited at the velvet rope cordon, and Joss was out of earshot, I couldn’t contain myself:

“Lighten up? Lighten up?!?!?!?! Let her buy a fucking van if she wants me to lighten up.”

We decided to take the entire week off from any kind of band activity. The five of us been in such close proximity to each other over the past six weeks, I thought we needed a break before the video shoot for “Decisive” which was to begin ten days later. Rudy also had another Geneva Holiday gig in the middle of that stretch. It wouldn’t be a week off for me though; there was more than enough PR to be addressed, and it was multiplying regularly (which of course was the goal). A new NYC blog had done a photo spread from the Grounds show, and I had to talk with them to get permission to use the photos within our own media. There were several online radio stations that were accepting uploaded tracks, and those had to uploaded. One New England website had even nominated us as one of their “Bands of the Month” to be voted on by readers. Malthus needed final proofs on the business cards and a rough idea for the new single. I had begun to submit to the regional music festivals that week, and had to coalesce each bit of our online presence into a coherent platform, so none of our outlets were out of date, out of synch. That element of the band was the treadmill, but what I would’ve given for the social platforms that existed today during the Thames time.

Tabitha emailed me Tuesday morning, and told me that none of her connections could procure the school for the shoot.  I had tried to find a few places in town, restaurants or stores that I had worked at over the years; but no one would touch the project. It was somewhat disappointing, as I was really hoping the fact we were doing something beyond the local scene would turn the tide, but that carried no credence with the businesses.

“I think my mom might let us use her house.”

“Really, where is it?” I replied, intrigued by a last minute reprieve.

“She lives on an island, just off the coast in Rhode Island. There is an apartment over the garage, and I think we could repurpose the main bedroom into a performance area.”

”Interesting. What is the concept? Or are we looking at a mood piece.”

“Oh, definitely a mood piece.”

The shoots had been scheduled for Friday night, Saturday morning, and Sunday afternoon. Jocelyn and Sean Murphy, a local kid Tabitha picked out of thirty Facebook profiles I had sent her for the male lead, were shooting Friday; the rest of Piercing practiced at Centraal that night. Adrian had a new song, and we wrestled with it for about a half an hour, before giving into some classic rock; half played jams of tunes Todd, Rudy, and Adrian knew, loved, or sort of remembered. I thought these digressions into their adolescence were endearing; they truly loved the music they came of age with, regardless of how “cool” the perception of it was. Todd was an unabashed lover of seventies soft and slow rock. His palette was quite varied, but this was more than a niche experience for him. It reminded me of the innocence I had about music listening to the AM radio in my mom’s ‘70’s VW bug; the reception maxed out at five stations of varying programming, but I didn’t care, I just wanted those sounds coming out of the tiny speaker below the handrail on the dashboard. Rudy cared not one iota what people thought of his music taste, and Adrian was a true folk outsider- a superior technical musician who need not define his tastes when his hands could easily explain. And that is not to depress the musicianship of Todd or Rudy, they were both exceptional within the framework they had decided to focus on. It was inarguable, however, that Adrian was an outsider. Not only within the construct of the band, but in America. And that’s how he liked it.

I woke up early, about 8.30 am on the Saturday, the second day of shooting. We were due to arrive at Tabitha’s moms house by noon, and I was going to have to load the entire set of gear into the van, including the practice PA, and a CD player which would allow us a soundtrack to synch to. I had spent a few hours late Friday night burning CDR’s of the song so that we would be completely prepared if I accidentally didn’t finalize a single disc. The phone rang at 9am. It was Tabitha.

“We’re getting a goddamn rainstorm today, around 2-3 o’clock. It’s going to be hard to get any of the exterior shots today unless you can get here sooner. Any way you can get a hold of everyone and bump it up to 11?”

She was cool about it. I had become accustomed to that.

“Suppose we can’t shoot outside today at all; can you get all of the interiors today?”

“Totally, but I still want to try and get outside today. Can you make it happen?”

“Yes, I can make it happen.”

I get on the phone and keep dialing and keep leaving messages until I have all five of us on the same page- get to my house as soon as possible; all of the gear will be packed up and we just have to get in the van and go. Rudy can meet us there.  And that’s what happened. I make a kettle of tea for everyone, and we piled into the van, headed east toward the island, crossing the causeway to Tabitha’s mom’s house at exactly 11:11AM. After unloading all of the gear into the apartment, the skies turned a violent black, almost instantly. There was at least a hundred yard walk out onto the lawn to set up where she wanted to get the exterior shots, and by my calculation, in the hour and a half it will take for us to set up, the rain would have come.

“Ok, we’ll just set up in here, and get the exteriors on Sunday. Has anyone checked tomorrow’s weather?”

“I’ll do it right now” said Rudy in his most casual voice. “Sunny and clear, high of 71…”

“Hey Joss, how about you and I set the room, and while we’re doing that, you guys get all of the gear set up in the kitchen? We’ll move everything into place the second we have it ready.”

The view from the room was stunning. A sheer black sky, tinted at the far edge of the horizon with a brilliant blue. The tide was coming in, and the wind had picked up. You could sense the fescue sizzling like a static carpet across the grounds. Even though the island was twenty minutes from my house, I was still infused with the sense of being far away. Perhaps it was the absence of noise from the highway, and the rails, and Route 1. We set up for our second video shoot in four months while the storm was brewing. I mistakenly took that as a good sign.

An hour later, we had all of the equipment set up, staged to maximize each shot. As I began to assemble the PA and CD player, I realized I had brought the wrong connector cords for the CD to the PA. I had done exactly the same thing when we filmed “Massive/Spirit” at the motel. I remembered driving back to Mystic from the Rhode Island border that cold January day; salt sand mixture bonded to the windshield which diffused the low afternoon sun. I was repeating that same mistake, how stupid could I be? When I came back from checking to see if I happened to have the right cords in the van, I noticed Jocelyn and Tabitha had strewn about two dozen vinyl LP’s around the room as décor. Something caught my eye about one of the covers as I went to exit the room, which made me turn back and take a closer look- these records had been in the basement or a wet corner of the garage for years- mildew laden, stained covers littered the room. There was no way I could film a video with $1 records. Benno at The Palace would hound me for the rest of my life if I filmed such an important piece with trashed records. Since I had to go back to my house, I could rifle through my “dj resources” collection of LP’s- things like “How to Speak Italian”, the soundtrack to “Liquid Sky” or FCC control tower calls. I had dozens of weird, offbeat LP’s like that, and they would make a more scintillating visual than a moldy Monkees LP.

Tabitha had arranged each outfit for Jocelyn on the back of a low sofa in the main living area. Leopard print top with denim shorts. Tiny, white collar top over tight wool sweater with mini. Black tights with short shorts, and a loose fitting, sleeveless white tee.  I couldn’t help but think of Jeremy’s second hand message from Jocelyn after the Tabitha “R rated” conversation.

“You gotta chill out, man. She doesn’t want you to keep dressing her up like a doll in period costumes. Let her create her own look.” Jeremy chided me.

I wasn’t making these decisions with a dictatorial outlook, but out of necessity. Jocelyn was great at a mood, a concept, but not so much the phone calls and emails and communication it takes to put these details into place. But I found it encouraging that I had no role in the wardrobe for this shoot, only being responsible for my own very simple look. I told Tabitha during our conversations about content to not even have me appear in the video at all. She would use that against me in the final cut, in a cute, “gotcha” kind of way.

Jocelyn loved the camera, and it was a consensual relationship. One of the patterns I had noticed over the previous year was that she could look like a different person in each setting. Perhaps not that drastic, but she appeared to be channeling several female members of the same family- a group of sisters who shared similar traits but exhibited subtle differences. That was Joss on film, moving or still. A multiplicity that made me believe even more that she had the star quality that could put us into the game.

We quickly locked in to the pre-recorded version of “Decisive”, giving Tabitha a convincing performance of a real rock band cranking it out while we faked it. When I was a kid, and MTV in its nascent form began to infiltrate the cable systems of small valley towns like Mystic, I thought it was difficult to enjoy the rigid re-creation of the performance for the small screen. But now, “lip synching” had become an interesting art form onto itself; something to be considered as an integral element. As Tabitha asked us to do the song over and over, you could sense a certain elevation of each of the Piercing members attitude of being told what to do. – “You want us to do it again, but better? No problem.” It was an encouraging sign for me. That was the singular precept of creating art and maintaining focus that could catapult us to the next level.  It seemed to me that each of us were totally buying into the concept.

We returned Sunday at noon, under beautiful spring skies. The first order of business was to reassemble the gear at the far lip of the property; a slight rise to a glacial outcropping.  Jocelyn spent the entire hour getting into her outfit; Rudy, Todd, and Adrian began hauling gear, and I took the PA apart for its eventual use outside. I had brought one hundred feet of extension cords, but once Tabitha had defined the exact spot, I was short a good two hundred feet. I began to scour the open garage and came across three extension cords that were jangled in a bunch around a sump pump- certainly the last time it had been used was after Hurricane Sandy, as many appliances were thrown in a heap following those weeks of repair. It took me twenty minutes to untangle the cords, and get them stretched out in a line, plugged into an exterior outlet and making it just far enough. Jocelyn appeared from the garage in the leopard and denim outfit. She posed for stills with Tabitha on the rocks at the other edge of the yard, while we adjusted the volume so we could hear the song through the slight spring breeze. I kept coming back to a singular train of thought; about how lucky we were, and how we had to embrace this time. During the weekend, there wasn’t a wasted moment; each minute was carefully crafted to maximize our artistic output, whether it was  the sound, or the vision of who we were becoming. This was a defining detail, and that truly was what the commitment was about- building a life out of nothing, of your own effort. We were living. We were creating the moment.