Tag: mystic

  • THIS IS NOT SLANDER Chapter Nineteen

    Jeremy sidled up to me at the bar as I ordered another beer. In tow he had Bop, and his partner; the State Senator,  who represented Middlesex County. I recognized them from Jeremy’s Facebook feed.

    “Joss, Ells, I want you to meet Bop and Tatum.”

    I reached out to shake both of their hands, first Bop, and then the Senator. Bop’s hand was soft, his grip warm. The Senator’s grasp was firm; a politicians handshake. I was wishing that Jeremy had taken the time to show them the beak.

    “And how are you?” Bop whispered toward Jocelyn, reaching out his hand with palm down; as if she would to be expected to bend over and kiss the exposed knuckles of his tanned right hand.

    “Very well, thanks” as she grabbed his outreached hand palm up; her thumb clasping across to his ring finger. “Thanks for coming out, I know we had kind of an early show.”

    “Girl, I wouldn’t have missed it if you went on at noon; we love your band.”

    “Thanks, that’s nice to hear” I offer deliberately, as I think to myself ‘her band….’

    Bop looks at me and rolls his eyes, ever so slightly, as if to say ‘Don’t even worry about defending your turf. I am going to own it.’ The THERAPY boys could be much the same. Never towards me, but I saw it happen frequently.

    “Thanks, today has been fantastic” offers Jocelyn, obviously hoping to shift the topic.

    “Well, nice to finally meet you both. We’re going out to the main stage.”

    The Senator came across as genial, but somewhat distant. Perhaps it was simply because we were not part of his constituency. He put his right arm around Bop’s slender shoulder, and they turned toward the exit.

    After they are out of earshot, I turn to Jeremy.

    “Nice to finally meet you? How long have you known these guys?”

    “Oh, I’ve been partying with them since I met Amber, about two months after I got back.”

    “And what are these parties like?”

    “You know man; I like to be in the company of men every once in a while.”

    “I didn’t know.”

    “Now you do!”

    Jocelyn let out a hearty laugh. It was enough to let me know this wasn’t the first time she had heard of his extracurricular activity. Personally, I could care less, one way or another. And yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a vast world influencing Piercing which I was barely aware of.

    As soon as Jeremy and Ian had committed to joining the band, I knew it would be at least a month to get a string of new gigs. In order to find something to keep the band in the public eye while we were re-learning the set, writing new material, and booking shows, I decided to make a four track CD, that I would mail out to college, independent, and internet radio around the country. I had a budget of $500, money I had stashed away from a few summer bonuses I’d received from the Palace.  In the ten days while I was awaiting shipment of the CD’s; I scoured the internet to divine the top 75 stations where we might get the most play out of the process. Day after day of sifting through best of rankings, visiting websites, copy and paste the contact info, listening to a few select dj’s to make sure they are part of the target audience, finding  them all on Twitter and Facebook. I was getting very good at this type of research, and its subsequent execution; but it could be tedious. The reward was acknowledgement.

    The new lineup had five practices under their belt by the time we play our first show. The practices are efficient, and run mostly by Jeremy. Everyone seems to be getting along and the new sound begins to gel, even if Ian is a bit guarded. But Ian also went out and bought himself a high end, compact amplifier; an incredible piece of equipment that takes up less room in the van than Rudy’s tiny, custom built rig. The show is at the Well- after we did some low key warm up gigs at the Velvet Mill and a small record store in New London named Ruck & Rule. We were the opener at both shows; the Mill gig was a going away party for the drummer in Class Ring, and the record store was celebrating their third anniversary. The show at the Well is our first time on a stage with a real PA and lights.

    “Hey, let’s do “Massive” into “Scattershot” to finish for tonight.” Jeremy hands out his last directive.

    After he calls out for us to do our opening song into the second number on a split second shift, we execute- flawlessly.

    The Wishing Well show goes as well as the entire month of practices would have predicated, but the turnout is somewhat disappointing. A touring band had gotten in touch with me looking to book a show in New London in an exchange for a show with them in Philadelphia. The chance of them adding to the draw was probably as minimal as our appearance in Philadelphia would be. But it was the definition of how everyone needed each other. The Ties That Bind were a hard working touring band, at the next level of what we aspired to be. These were the relationships that were necessary to break out into a larger world, and if we had to extend our PR efforts to bolster the audience, that’s what we would do.

    And that’s what I did, in addition to our usual online campaign. I spent two frigid nights hanging fliers from Westerly to Niantic, and all of the extra effort didn’t quite make up the difference. As we begin our set, opening the night at ten pm in front of fifty people, I see Bop and the Senator enter the bar.

    Todd is into his final semester at school, and we don’t hear much from him.  He returns all of the vital communication, but his head is buried so deep in his studies I’m a bit surprised when he brings a new song to practice. He has made every weekend practice, and even braved a few minor snowstorms to get in a mid-week practice. The tune is something out of left field for Todd; who was always consistent. But this was a new exploration of songwriting, and my first impression was ‘How are we going to make this song work live?’ Todd sat down behind the drum set; he was a decent drummer, and certainly could keep a beat and move the drums with depth. And yet, all he played was a galloping 16th note snare rumble.

    “Can you play that beat, just like that?”

    “Yeah, sure. Of course.”

    I had to bite my tongue from saying out loud “Oh, now you’re going to write the drum parts as well? I suppose it won’t be long until you get rid of me and go on as TIR…..” But it crossed my mind.

    “So, something like this” as I place myself back on the drum stool. I begin the gallop and add a solid four on the floor bass drum line.

    “YES! Yes, that’s fucking it…. Now, just keep looping that. Jeremy, I showed you these chords over the weekend. Joss, here’s the lyric sheet. Ian, it goes A to Gm to D# to E, simple.”

    “I like it” says Jeremy. “Does it have a title?”

    “My working title is Cassiopeia”

    The radio campaign is yielding few results. But I distract the lack of a monumental build in our public image by reminding myself of the one in ten rule. The CD garnered 7 fantastic reviews, and I was able to parlay them into weeks of social media content, but there had been a $500 investment to get that. Was it worth it? I had to remind myself that to bridge that gap, it would have been a minimum $1500.00 investment with a pro agency that might have brought us twenty-one great reviews, and charting on some obscure stations top ten list. It was everything I could do at the time. I was getting keyboard tension in my knuckles from tweeting the stations and dj’s that were actually playing us. Upon checking my email, I find that Maurice has reached out to me about playing in New London again. He sends along The Constitution agent email, and I immediately write to him and explain what Maurice had proposed.

    “Yeah, he told me all about it. Let me see if I can squeeze the show in. what was the date again?”

    I write back:  “November 30th”

    “Ok, that’s going to be tight because the father of the brothers is having a 60th birthday party the weekend before, which they have told me in no uncertain times they will be attending. So, getting them here two weekends in a row might be tough.”

    “No worries, if we can make it happen, fantastic. If not, we can revisit for next summer.” I replied

    “Great idea. I’ll be in touch.”

    We never were able to coordinate them appearing in New London with Piercing. They would, however, headline the NLNM, the following Labor Day Weekend, right in the center of New London on the Plaza.

    After my exchange with the Constitution agent, I head into the Palace full of positivity. There was much work to do while we were rebuilding the band; but over the course of the past three and a half months of turmoil, we haven’t regressed in terms of how our audience witnessed our growth. Bands never survive what we had been through; unless they are a cash cow. It was basically me spending every available dollar of my own money to keep our operation functional. As I settled in with Darjeeling tea and the Moon and the Melodies playing quietly, I opened up the Palace email. I felt as if I was a piece of vinyl, and someone had just flipped the record.

    “I’m so sorry to let you know like this, but before it comes out in the paper, I wanted you guys to know. Jerry passed away last night at 2am. You were one of the major things that kept him going through these painful years, and I want to thank you both for that. To all of the Palace people. God bless, Rita”

    Beatle Jerry was gone. We had witnessed his deterioration as he battled cancer over the years; defiant against something that would get in the way of his time in the store, his time to pick up a new solo McCartney record. Benno and I attended his funeral, and we were in tears from the  moment we entered the church until we closed the doors on the Piercing van across the street from the sanctuary.  Jerry made one last trip to see me at the store, on a Friday; his favorite day to hang out as his work week ended. That afternoon, I caught a glimpse of him getting out of a car in the lot across from the store. He had lost the bulk of his hair; the remaining traces of his flowing sixties ponytail had been reduced to a tuft. He clawed his way into the store, using just a cane and visibly turning down assistance. When he made it across the threshold of the store’s front door, he flashed me his wicked grin; the grin he would introduce himself with after a boisterous weekend of being Jerry. What balls, I thought to myself, as I was fighting back tears- I did not want him to see me cry. If he could be that tough to crawl in to the store, I could be tough enough to act like it was just another day at the Palace. He asks me about the band, how we’re doing.

    “Are you still getting regular gigs in New York?”

    “Yeah, sort of. We had to get a new guitar player”

    “Again?”

    “Well, actually, that first thing was the bass player, we had to get rid of.”

    “Oh, yeah, yeah. That’s right.”

    “So, our guitar player moved from Brooklyn to Portland Maine within a week, at the end of the summer.”

    “That was Adrian, yeah?”

    “Yes, Adrian.”

    “Nice kid.”

    “Yeah, he’s doing well in Maine. And then we found a guitar player and a bass player here in town.”

    “Ahhh. So now everyone in the band actually lives here?”

    “Yeah, finally.”

    “Good luck with the band, man, you know I’m rooting for you….  Well, I gotta get going, I get totally wiped out after these excursions. But I wanted to see you while we were out and about; my cousin is in from Nashville.”

    “Always good to see you my man.”

    I reached out with a beak; he gave me one back.

    “C’mon man, I need more than a beak.”

    I reached out and we embraced, like old hippies would. A subtle swing, side to side. He whispered in my ear before he let go of me-

    “I’ll see you again.”

    “Yes, you will” I replied.

    I knew it was a mistake when I booked the show, but I did it anyway. A national touring band had reached out to us to open a show at the venerable BaBa’s, which had been displaced as the go to room in town by the Wishing Well years earlier. But BaBa’s had history on its side: in the heyday of touring bands working their way up the ladder, the club was the first rung for many later notable acts. The week before I made my club debut at BaBa’s, while faking birth certificates, a band named Dinosaur played. A barely known San Francisco supergroup  from the ‘80’s known as ‘Dinosaurs’ sued them for copyright infringement. They would then become Dinosaur Jr. But BaBa’s was a long way from those days. That was the reason why an unknown touring band would take a headline gig at BaBa’s- they simply didn’t know any different from a few cursory Google searches. But when the booking agent for the band guaranteed us $200 to play a 45 minute set to open, I couldn’t pass it up. We were making no money as we got our shit together with Jeremy and Ian, and in the very near future, we were going to have to return to the studio and follow up “Decisive/ High Tide”. I booked us a shitty gig because we needed the money. And I knew they weren’t going to take in $200 at the door on a Thursday night at a club in its death throes.

    There was an unexpected experience linked to booking this show; it was the last time I would be in that room. After we loaded the gear in, I found a spot at the bar, alone, and ordered a beer. After my customary overtip, I pivoted on my swivel barstool, and my mind began to see the club in its various incarnations. The bar was now corralled by a two by four plywood wall with chain link fence stretching to the ceiling, in order to comply with the state law on alcohol being served at an all-ages show. The bar was literally caged off. But it wasn’t always that way. The very first show I played at BaBa’s there was a complete wall between the bar and the stage, with only a regular door as its entrance. That design of the club was left over from its days as a stripper bar in the ‘60’s and ‘70’s, when New London was a Navy town; deep maroon vinyl booths with ornamental wood of Scandinavian influence crisscrossing the walls.  The lead singer for the headliner sauntered up to the four young members of Thames, as we were preparing our setlist in one of the booths before the show.

    “You guys do ‘Celebration’ by Kool and the Gang?”

    We could sense his dread at the thought of these skinny white kids playing a Kool and the Gang song, as if he were sweating profusely, but only on the interior of his skin. There was no visible sign.

    “No, no, it’s a U2 song; the first single they released.” replied Steven.

    “Phew…. I didn’t want to have to suffer that…..” and he walked away.

    We found out a few weeks later that he was on a weekend pass from the psychiatric ward at the local hospital.

    I could see the custom mini-helicopter that someone built in the 90’s to house the soundboard. It was an interesting sight to see a touring band, casually watching one of the openers, find the soundperson ensconced in such a set up; reclined as if in ascension, turning dials to hone the sound while sweeping through a possible sky. Tonight, the soundboard is behind a dull plywood platform at the back of the room, spray painted a matte black.

    “Hey nice to finally meet in person. Robert Wahle.”

    I reached out and shook his hand. Robert was the manager of Ties, and he had booked the gig. I immediately felt transported back to the early 1990’s- he was sporting a long ponytail, black jeans, and a floor length leather jacket.  I instinctively knew there was no way we were going to be paid $200 by Robert after we finished our set. Any money that came into his hands was going to be funneled to Ties, and we would be left with the promise of payment at a later date. I realized before we had even played a note of music, that I was going to have to explain all of this to the band. I had set myself up to be questioned. Robert finds me at the end of the Ties set.

    “We barely made enough to cover expenses for the band tonight. And they have to get to Boston for the next show. I can’t pay you anything tonight, but I promise, I promise, I will pay you the full $200.”

    “When do you think that might be?” I offer, trying to hide the disgust I had for myself; lest it be construed as contempt for his effort.

    “As soon as I can, man. As soon as I can. The band has seventeen more shows, and I will get you your money before we head home.”

    “Ok”

    What choice did I have?

    “Did you get paid?”

    The first words out of Jeremy’s mouth are the words I wish to hear the least. But they all knew this night was booked solely for the money; and now the realization was setting in.

    “What do you think?”

    “No, of course. There were twenty people here for us and just the five of us watched them play.”

    “Well, he promised to send me the money before the end of their tour, probably in about a month.”

    “We’re going to need that money to get back to Stormy Harbor.”

    “Yeah, I know, I know.”

    It was tough to hear him discuss the bands finances when I had been paying the bulk of them for months, out of my own pocket.

    We have a full band practice the following Saturday night, and Jeremy arrives with Amber and the Senator.  Since he has yet to learn to drive, she has to transport him to most places. Jeremy thought he would live in the city forever;  hence the lack of driving expertise. But why

    was the Senator here? It was Saturday night- party night? Ian, Todd, and I are already set up, tuning the instruments when they arrive.

    “Hey people, I have a great idea. Let’s do ‘Psychic Vortex’ from the Boyfriend set.”

    “Oh man, I love that song. Did you write the whole thing? I thought that was a group effort.” I ask with genuine curiosity.

    “No, no, no, I wrote everything; lyrics, the keyboard parts, the whole bit. Sheesh, you think I would just co-opt someone else’s tune?”  I could sense an early tinge of Chivas on his attitude.

    “Well, we’ve rebuilt songs and re-purposed them from almost day one, having such little time to write when everyone was scattered. Now, it’s different. We all live here.” I reply in a soothing tone, so as to not wind him up at 7.30pm, especially with a new song on the table.

    Jocelyn enters the studio as Amber and the Senator open the door to leave; she looks like a parting gift framed in the window for “our lucky contestants!” Amber throws a hug around Joss as the Senator looks over at the four of us.

    “Hey Tatum, how are you?”

    “Quite well, thank you Joss.”

    Not everyone was afforded the opportunity to refer to Jocelyn as Joss.

    I open a third beer, and it’s only 7.30. Every five months I would have a shitty day, and carry it over into that night’s practice; drink too much beer, get sloppy early. It was usually as a result of another screaming match with my estranged brother over the landline, or another plea for money from my Mom. But my instincts were pointing me toward a new direction- who were these people?

    Since we’re all familiar with “Psychic Vortex’”, except for Ian, we plow through several rough versions and harness more on each take. By 10.30, Ian is absolutely locked in- the choruses build in intensity, and the only thing left is to nail a complete stop after the final guitar solo, and rebuild on a dime to maximum volume for a climactic ending. But I keep botching the middle beat because I’m now drunk. Jeremy playfully taunts me about messing it up, but we’ve made such progress tonight he lets me off the hook. That’s when I notice he takes out his Chivas and drains the last drop.  As if on cue, we all put down guitars and click off the PA system;  Amber and the Senator walk in.

    “You guys sound good on ‘Vortex!” One session and it’s already that far along!” says Amber , as she sashays between cords and amps to give Todd a hug.

    “Goddamn right, and it’ll be our next goddamn single!” states Jeremy

    “I can get behind that idea.” I offer, quietly.

    “Hey Tates- what idea are we getting behind tonight? Huh? Huh?” and then he cackled, catching the air at the back of his sinus to keep it under control.

    “I have a speaking function in Hartford tomorrow morning, so tonight will be quiet. A few glasses of wine, although you might only get one, baby.”

    “What about you Joss, what ‘choo up toooo.”

    “I worked all day today, and the store was swamped. My voice is getting a little hoarse; a little tired. I’m going to go to bed and tea up all day Sunday.”

    “Ian, IAN, what choo up to.”

    “Umm, I’m going home?” most of his answers were starting to sound like questions.

    “Twining, come out with us.”

    “Jeremy, I’m done, I’m going upstairs to chill with Anne.”

    I have booked us a “home and home” set of shows with Love Me Not, a slinky guitar driven band led by former All in the Family member Ira Walrath. Ira took an immediate interest in Piercing after the initial wave of Earcandy hype, and now that his new band was up and running, we decided to trade shows; Love Me Not would open for us at the Well, and we would open for them in Brooklyn at the Owls Nest, one of the all ages DIY spaces on Broadway. The shows were a week away; Friday in New London and New York on Sunday. We would only have one chance for the five of us to practice before the shows- the night after the BaBa’s gig, a Friday.

    Ian is the first to show up at Centraal. I haven’t had much time alone with him, so I decide to ask him how he thinks the band is coming along.

    “Pretty good, yeah. Jeremy and Todd are really good players, Joss is really good. I like it.”

    “Cool, cool. I think you are adding the missing piece. I’m impressed with how quickly you’ve been able to get up to speed. Your dad told me as much. Not that I didn’t believe him…”

    “Ha ha, yeah, my dad.”

    “He’s a good guy.”

    “Yep.”

    Todd and Jeremy arrive together a few minutes later, and they are excited by a new song possibility.

    “Let’s rework ‘Final Time” into a song for our set! “ suggests Jeremy

    “Final Time” was the single best song they had written as The Infectious Reality; Adrian had actually suggested it a year earlier when we were trying to build up the set. The song was a barreling rock number, with a piquant sweetness- a grappling desire between the lyrics and melody. It was also Anne’s favorite song by them; although she adored everything they had written.

    “Have you heard from Joss today?” asks Todd

    “Yeah, she texted me an hour ago, said she’d be here on time.” I reply.

    “Well, fuck it, let’s just plug in and start getting Ian familiar with Time.” instructs Jeremy.

    Jeremy and Todd quickly go over the chords and arrangement with Ian, piecing together the elements of the song for him to easily adapt to. It only takes Ian three or four passes on each section until he has the chord structure; I add quiet backbeats to underpin the direction. Once Ian is confident he knows where the notes sit in each sequence, I begin with four clicks, and we charge through a full version of “Time” at top volume. After three passes at it, there is a loud knock on the Centraal door. At first, I was a bit stunned because the only people we were expecting were Joss, who surely wouldn’t knock before entering, or Anne, who actually owned the house. Todd turned to his right and opened the door, and there stood Anne- hands clenched, with both held tight to her lips.

    “Are you guys going to do ‘Final Time’ for real, or are you just messing around?”

    “No, we’re going to add it; this is the first run through. Todd, Joss, and I have been kicking around the idea for a few days.” Offered Jeremy, excited to hear Anne’s immediate reaction.

    She takes a seat in the room, and asks us to play it again. We get to the half way point, and in walks Jocelyn. She exchanges beaks with Anne, and sits down next to her, a near identical smile on each of their faces.

    Anne’s father had been admitted to the hospital later that night with an irregular heartbeat, after Piercing began reworking “Final Time”. He’d gone through a bypass surgery two years prior, and this was his first complication since. Anne took the phone call during practice, and waited until the other members had left for the night to inform me.

    “My dad’s in the hospital for some tests on his heart.”

    “What?!?!?! Is he alright?”

    “Well, he had some palpitations in the last thirty six hours, so he decided to check himself in. as a precaution.”

    “Sheesh, it must be serious if he admitted himself….”

    “I think it is serious, but he’s such a fighter. They said his potassium levels were drastically low, so maybe it’s just he lost his way on the diet end of things. You know how he loves garlic…. they don’t want him eating as much as usual…..”

    “Always pushing the envelope, that man.”

    “Too true. I’m going to visit him tomorrow afternoon. I’m going to leave work early at 3 and head over there until probably 7, maybe 8. Then I’ll catch the last of the game with you here.”

    The Red Sox were in the World Series for the fifth time in my life. They had already won two titles, something I never thought I would realize during my baseball fandom. The Folk Mass and I made plans to watch the game at Centraal, and hopefully work the mojo to keep the game close until Anne returned from visiting her dad at the hospital. Benno also lived on my street, two doors down, in a small apartment he moved in with his daughter after divorce and the recession forced him to sell his house.

    He would however not be watching the game with Folk Mass and myself- Benno, being a staunch Yankee fan, could never sit through a possible celebration of anything regarding the Red Sox. But he and I had a tacit agreement, along with Anne and his daughter Frances- if something was awry at their apartment, simply call Ells and Anne if you are worried about anything  while at home. At 9.30 pm, during the top of the fifth inning, our landline rang at Centraal.

    “Hello?”

    “Ells, its Frances. You gotta come down here right now! I think my Dad is choking to death!!!!”

    “We’ll be right there!” I throw the phone against the wall and tell Folk Mass “that was Frances, Benno is choking to death!”

    I open the door and the Folk Mass sprints ahead of me. I am running as fast as I can, and the four beers I had in me made it feel as if I was gliding over the pavement. We open the door and find Benno hunched over at the waist, gasping for breath.

    “It was something I ate” he mutters, a garbled explanation when we had no time for one.

    I had always thought of the Heimlich maneuver as something akin to getting your wisdom teeth out- it was going to happen at some point and there would be nothing you could do about it. I grab Benno above the waist, and begin pulling my clenched fists into his abdomen; it almost feels like plunging a backed up commode- if I hit it just right, the food will dislodge and everything will return to normal. Seconds tick off, Frances’ face is frozen, The Folk Mass looks concerned, and I think we should be calling 911- it must be what he’s thinking. Benno is in top shape, and I begin to tire of lifting his muscle mass while exerting maximum strength for this  maneuver. How long has it been?

    “Wait, wait wait, stop! Hold it!!!!” says Robert. “It’s lodged in his lower esophagus, below the windpipe. He can still breathe, but not swallow.”

    Benno takes a glass of water and tries to down a gulp. It comes right back up, partly through his nose. I then notice there is phlegm and mucous everywhere; the table, floor, refrigerator door.

    “We’ve got to get you to the emergency room.” states the Folk Mass in a very quiet, distinct voice.

  • Cacophony of Anniversary

    In the summer of 2013, my dad convinced me that I needed an iPhone for everyday life. Previously, the mobile phone that Rich and I brought with us, if we went out of town, in one of our two 1999 Ford Econoline vans, in case we needed to call AAA, was a Trac-Fone. And you couldn’t really text with a Trac-Fone. My dad, a retired USN helicopter pilot,  was an early adopter of technology. When I finished school and moved back to Mystic in the summer of 1990, he had a corded Motorola phone in his car, that was in the middle console, nestled between the drink holders. He loved to call ahead to his destination that he was “on his way”, and when he was fifteen minutes out.

    The first text message between my dad and I was on 25 July 2013 at 12:07 pm:

    LG:       “Michelle: Running a little late: be there by 12:45 to 1. Please acknowledge. Thanks, Dad.”

    MG:     “Got it…that’s fine.”

    It was a Thursday, and I had been at work since 9 am at the Mystic Army Navy in Downtown Mystic. I had been co-owner with my dad of our two stores- one in Downtown Mystic, the other in the Olde Mistick Village, since September 2010, when his business partner (also his best friend from the old neighborhood), had retired after 17 years. They reached an agreement, and then my dad made me the co-owner. There was an understanding between the both of us that I would be taking over the two stores, when he was ready to retire. That  day seemed far off at the time.  I felt more than ready for the future change of ownership.

    I had been raised in the family business, A Stitch in Time Boutique in Downtown Mystic, opened when I was five years old. Although we lived in Noank, my sister Maria and I would take the afternoon school bus that routed to Downtown Mystic, and we would get off at Pearl Street, and walk across the street to the store, where our mother worked the final shift that ended at  6 pm. Maria and I loved being at the store, and “helping” the customers, and would thrill to the attention that ensued: “Oh, I want the little lady to show me the silver rings in the case…” Our summers were spent at the store, working as a family. By the time I was fourteen, I was on a  schedule, and have been ever since.  As I was back in Mystic that summer of 1990 , I resumed working at Stitch in Time for my mom. Rich and I started our relationship then, and I found myself swept up in the excitement of an intense art scene in Mystic, that he was integral in, and I became enamored with photography.  In 1995, I was fortunate to gain the employ of the professional photographer, Rollie McKenna of Stonington, until she retired in 1998. At that point, I joined the newest family business, Mystic Army Navy that my dad had started in 1993, to fill the void, post- divorce, where my mom “got the store” (Stitch in Time), and my dad “got the house” (in Noank), and “got the boat”.

    I had invested in the family business. I was involved in every aspect of helping to run the retail business with my dad and his business partner on a daily basis, but mostly I was chief negotiator between the two Navy veterans, each stationed at their preferred store, my dad was at the downtown store(DT), and his partner at the Olde Mistick Village store(OMV). By the summer of 2013,  the business was getting ready to celebrate its twentieth year in business, and we all felt a sense of relief, especially after surviving the tumultuous Hurricane Sandy catastrophe in October 2012, when the DT store flooded up from the floorboards as a tidal surge from Long Island Sound forged into the Mystic River. The DT store had to be emptied, and all of the merchandise relocated  to the OMV store.  The store had to be bleached and dehumidified, and then rebuilt,  and it had been the most difficult professional experience thus far. However, our staff performed on a high level; it was all hands on deck in true Navy fashion, and we were successfully back on track.

    Little did I know that three months after getting the iPhone, my father would pass away on 27 October 2013. The five day sequence leading up to his death, is burned into my memory, and I realized that this year, 2019,  marks the six year anniversary, and as such, the days and dates are lined up in the exact order as they happened. I went into my iPhone for the first time to look at all of the text messages between us, which are all still there, buried at the bottom of my phone.

    Prelude on Monday 21 October 2013: 12:46 pm

    LG:       “Michelle: Don’t forget I have an endoscopy tomorrow at the WHVA (West Haven VA) hospital. Not sure about Wed/Thurs/Fri at MANS (Mystic Army Navy Store): depends what they find? I’ll keep you posted. Love, Dad.”

    MG:     “The store will be fine..Don’t worry there, and try to keep the worry component down..Keep me posted tomorrow.”

    Tuesday 22 October 2013:

    My scheduled day off, and I had a photoshoot planned at 2 pm, with a brand new model: a veritable “Greek God” that Rich had enthused about to me, Titus Abad, who happened to be a most ardent fan of Slander, Rich’s latest band. Titus and I were going to shoot at the Greek Revival Mansion in Old Mystic, the “House of 1833”, run as a Bed and Breakfast  by Evan Nickles, a longtime Mystic entrepreneur. Titus was 20, and had participated in some photo shoots at school, but had moved back to Mystic, and I was confident that we would hit it off. It was a great shoot.  I didn’t text with my dad that day, but we talked on the phone. It had been a month of mostly minor physical discomfort: he thought he had an ulcer and wanted to get it checked out at the VA.  He was in fair spirits, but I could tell that he was worried. He had just turned 70 on September 19th, and out of nowhere really, he seemed to taking the birthday milestone hard. He was the most vivacious person I have ever known, so to not be up on the mountain, that was so unlike him.

    Wednesday 23 October 2013 at 3:52 pm

    MG:     “Any news on the biopsy and cat scan?”

    LG:       “They found one small polyp in my stomach & sent it out for biopsy.  Results due in today with cat scan results.  Went to see my GI (Gastro-Intestinal) guy here in New London this morning, and I’m going to let him take over the GI stuff. West Haven just too far away.. will keep you posted. Love, Dad.”

    My dad loved the West Haven VA Hospital: he had a procedure there in December of 2011, unrelated to his current state, and he always raved about the legendary treatment he had received there. But Pat’s schedule with her new job, which required some serious travel, would have an impact for his future medical appointments, which is why he was considering the local doctor.

    We talked on the phone a lot as I was running the two stores , while he was convalescing at his house between doctor’s appointments this week. He was still involved in daily store business, and we would discuss store banking, and other pressing matters. That night he and his girlfriend Pat went out to a scheduled dinner in Providence, and attended a theater fundraiser. They got dressed up in fancy clothes, and from the photographs I later saw, he looked fantastic on the outside, with a big smile on his face.

    We’re both Red Sox fans, and that year, our team was playing in the World Series. Later that night, we texted at 9:41 pm

    LG:       “Cards making too many errors!!!
    “Triple Play! Wow!”

    MG:     “We like this lead, but Sox have to realize that no lead is safe..”

    LG:       “Agree!”
    “PAPI!!!!!!”

    MG:     “Love it!!”

    LG:       “Spectacular!!!”

    MG:     “Awesome!”

    This back and forth between us was during Game One at Fenway Park, and the Sox won 8-1.

    We were excited.

    Thursday 24 October 2013 at 1:05pm

    I was at work at the downtown store, and I texted my dad:

    MG:     “How are you feeling—it’s beautiful out there-hopefully you can catch some warm rays!”

    LG:       “Having lunch: back later.”

    MG:     “At home?”

    LG:       “Yes!”

    Later:

    MG:     “How are you feeling? Any pain today?”

    LG:       Actually took a full Vicodin last night and slept straight through!!! First full night’s sleep in about three weeks.. Having a meal with us, or just appetizers? Thanks, Love, Dad.”

    I was working until 4 pm, then had a mammogram appointment at Pequot, and Rich had a gig at the El-n-Gee later that night with Slander, and I planned to attend with my friend and model Jane, and would be meeting up with Titus there as well. But I wanted to see my dad for dinner and a visit for a couple of hours beforehand. We had veggie burgers and a bunch of appetizers, but he was not his usual self. He was down, and I know he was worried about the medical results.

    Later that night, while I was at the Gee, he texted me updates on Game Two of the World Series at 8:53 pm

    LG:       “Top of the 3rd¨Sox finally got a MOB, but then fly out. Waca throwing much heat, but so isn’t Lackey!”

    He kept me posted throughout the game, which resulted in a loss for the Red Sox (Cards 4 Sox 2), though Rich and I made it home to watch the end of the game, with the Sox down.

    MG:     “We’re home now, and hoping for the best!!”

    LG:       “Cliff-hanger!”

    Friday 25 October 2013

    I went to work at OMV for my regular shift of 10-6 pm. My dad normally worked with me out there every Friday, ever since his partner had retired, and we always had a full plate with receiving merchandise, and wanting to get everything in place for the always important weekend. My dad, who enjoyed a good meal immensely, always treated every Friday with a takeout lunch from Mango’s. The Garlic Cheese Bread: “Mozzarella & Romano cheeses, fresh garlic & olive oil on our hearth baked flat bread.” and The Blacksmith Salad: “Crisp lettuce, grated Romano and Parmesan cheese, mushrooms, tomato and red onion. Served with our house balsamic vinaigrette dressing.” It was easier to manage a few bites of bread and salad around customers, and making sales.

    But we hadn’t ordered lunch from Mango’s since the last time we ended up working together out there, October 11th, a Friday, two weeks earlier.

    So I texted him at 12:19 pm

    MG:     “How are you feeling today?”

    LG:       “Ok. Slept good again last night. The VA needs more blood work today, so Pat and I are driving to West Haven today & procedure is next Tuesday (cat scan with needle biopsy), Keep you posted. Love, Dad.”

    And then he got back to me at 5:40 pm

    LG:       “Hell’s bells!!! Just got back from West Haven & they called & said my potassium level was dangerously high (6.5), and it should be under 5. He told me to go to an ER ASAP to get it lowered immediately! Life’s a test, Michelle & Maria, & what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger!! Love to everyone! Dad & Grandpa.”

    MG:     “Good Luck!! What do potassium levels indicate? Where are you going to ER?”

    He was at Pequot, and I was planning on going over there to visit him right after work. When I got there, his potassium levels were already stabilizing and he seemed in fine spirits and little pain. But because Pequot closes at 10 pm nightly, and is the outpatient arm of Lawrence and Memorial Hospital, they decided to transfer him there for the night so they could monitor him. Before I left to go home, Pat went to their house so she could pack an overnight bag for her and my dad, as she planned on staying the night with him in the room. I wished him a good night and went home. The next day I had to open the downtown store at 9 am, and planned to visit him at L & M after work at 5.

    26 October 2013 at 8:07 am

    MG:     “Good morning!”

    LG:       “Good morning! Fairly decent  night’s sleep! Waiting for ultrasound. Can eat after that!!!”

    MG:     “Great! Did you text Maria last night or this morning? Let me know how the day goes..”

    This was the last text message between us, as he was busy with tests and doctors in and out of his room. He called me later at work, and told me how he had talked to Maria, and his business partner, and some other friends and family, just letting them know he was getting some tests, pretty normal stuff still.

    Game Three of the World Series was at 8 pm that night, and our house was Sox HQ for a few close friends, so they were planning on coming over to watch the game. I headed over to New London to go visit my dad at L & M, and would keep Rich posted. Visiting hours were over at 9 pm, but at 8:30 the doctors came in to take him down the hall for a MRI, as they were still trying to discover what was going on with him,  so I said goodnight to him, and told him that I would come over with Rich on Sunday since it was on our day off. I left L & M, and had taken Exit 88 to get back home, as the van was acting up, and I didn’t want to press it on the highway longer than I had to. I was about to pass by the Dairy Queen in Poquonnock Bridge when a call from Pat came in to my iPhone, so I quickly pulled in to the DQ, and took her call. She was hysterical:  the doctors just told her that he would not live through the night! The MRI had finally revealed the source of all of this: pancreatic cancer, and his organs were now in final shutdown. Stunned I told her that I was on my way back to the hospital. I sat there, and called Rich in disbelief, and told him that I would be in touch.

    We sat in his room and I held his hand and talked about the store, and happy times, sailing on the Mystic River into Fishers Island Sound, and so many others. I told him that I had anticipated taking the store over when he was ready to retire, and not that he would be throwing the reins to me! He laughed.. Pat dialed the number of every family member and he talked to them, so bravely and lovingly. Then she dialed the number of all of his Navy buddies and I could hear them breaking down in shock and he comforted them. I talked to Maria in Syracuse and they were having an early Autumn snow storm, and since it was her oldest daughter’s 12th birthday the following day, she had 8 girls at her house in a sleepover party for Emma. My dad recorded a birthday message for Emma that night in his hospital bed, and I don’t know if she has ever heard it. But I urged Maria not to drive down, as I felt it was too dangerous to risk. She was having a hard time with it, and she really wanted to come down. By midnight they were upping the morphine, and he was trying to rest and sleep. Pat was in his room and the rest of us were out in the waiting room. I left at 6 am, and everyone there was trying to doze. I went home and sat there.

    Sunday 27 October 2013

    Pat texted me at 9 am that he had passed. With Rich by my side,  I called Maria, my mom, and Gordon at the store so he could tell the rest of the staff.

    The very last text message entry from his contact in my phone was from Pat using his phone because she couldn’t find her phone and we were making funeral arrangements:

    PB on LG’s phone:      “Heading back home to find phone.”

    MG:     “I am at Dinoto in the parking lot drinking coffee. I will wait in my car so I can help you carry the photos in when you get here..”

    ______

    Thank you to Rich for the title, given to me five years ago on the first anniversary of my dad’s passing, and all I could do was to schedule another photo shoot with Titus on 22 October, a tradition we managed to uphold until recently, thank you to Titus!

    Thank you to Red Sox HQ: Peter Jazz, Humpy and Malthus!

    Thank you to Dan Curland, who almost died the same night as my dad, having choked on chicken at dinner,  and saved by his daughter Lena running to our house down the street and getting Rich and Peter to go help him. Dan was brought to L & M the same night that my dad was there, and turning the corner, I bumped into Peter Jazz!

  • Qui Transtulit Sustinet

    “They Who Transplanted Still Sustain”

    “The brand’s beleaguered design team, accustomed to a spreadsheet mentality—churn out X chinos in Y colors, repeat—were suddenly given what felt like creative carte blanche. Drexler “put the product and the design before the business, in a way,” recalls a former employee. “He made the creative drive the business.”
    Drexler once told a roomful of employees that he’d passed on a hire because the candidate didn’t know the meaning or origin of her high school’s name. How could you go someplace every day and not be curious enough to figure out where the name came from? Drexler stayed five steps ahead, and for those who could keep up, the sky was the limit: invent a new product, a new category, a new business within the business. And if you can’t keep up, get the hell out of the way.”
    https://archive.vanityfair.com/article/2019/6/j-who

    “The original Fitch High School (now the former location of Fitch Middle School) was built in 1928 next to the Town Hall on Poquonnock Road, and was funded in part by the will of a local merchant, Charles Fitch, with the stipulation that it be named after his son, Robert E. Fitch. In the early 1950s, the district enrollment was larger than the school could handle. The school district decided to split to a junior high and senior high system. In 1954, the school district built a new school, the current Robert E. Fitch Senior High School, in its current location at the top of Fort Hill Road, and renamed the existing school Robert E. Fitch Junior High School.”

    Notable alumni and faculty:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fitch_High_School

    If you have not checked out the music of Samantha Urbani, I urge you to do so forthwith:  https://luckynumber.bandcamp.com/album/policies-of-power-ep

     

  • How to Remove a Memorial

    “He stands, today, as every day, in a pose of attack. The sword is being drawn as every sunrise arrives.”

    A period of upheaval surrounded the removal of the Major John Mason statue in Mystic, Connecticut. The public discourse around the relevance of the memorial grew heated, and local factions clashed. The result of that discourse was the relocation of the statue. The Mason statue was moved to Windsor, Connecticut—the American hometown of the Major—after pressure from Native groups. The controversy around its removal eventually led to a collective understanding by the local population that their society was far different from the post-Civil War era that created the monument. During the decades following the end of the Civil War, many Americans funded the creation of memorials to lost figures in American history who had participated in the colonization of the US. The citizens of Mystic, Connecticut chose Major John Mason as their historical hero. In 1889, the Mason Memorial, designed by sculptor James G. C. Hamilton, was placed at the intersection of Clift Street and Pequot Avenue.

    Mason led a coalition of English soldiers and Native tribes in a coordinated attack on the Pequot settlement at Mystic during the Pequot War of the 1630’s. What ensued was the first large scale military operation on American soil. The Pequot were nearly annihilated in the course of one day. Had it not been for the Pequot warriors who resided at Fort Hill, a few miles away, they most certainly would have.

    The conventional wisdom about the battle is that hundreds of men, women and children perished at Mystic because of their lack of defense. But Kevin McBride, former head researcher at the Mashantucket Pequot Museum, determined that the Pequot warriors made the trek from Fort Hill to Mystic just in time to drive the remaining combatants off, chasing them through the nearby wooded area to the west, and then further south toward the coves around the peninsula at West Mystic. Archaeological digs have uncovered evidence that the English and Native coalition was not successful in eliminating the tribe, despite the massacre of over 400 people.

    Why did the Pequot need to be forced into submission? They sat on the largest concentration of wampum in the southern colonial settlements, the currency that was at the center of the fur trade, which brought both English and Dutch explorers to the area. The Pequot essentially were The Bank of Southeastern Connecticut.
    They were also not looked upon kindly by neighboring Native groups, for that reason and others.
    In 1636, the Pequot took to the offensive, attacking settlements at Saybrook and Wethersfield. On the first of May 1637, the Connecticut colony ordered war against the Pequot. Twenty-six days later, the attack at Mystic began.

    By 1910 there were only 66 members of the Pequot tribe. Today they oversee an international casino empire, and the power which they leveraged in the early 1990s to bring about the removal of the Mason statue was real.

    “You cannot alter history…”

    Following the tragedy at Charlottesville, I found myself thinking back to 1991, when the residents of Mystic began their discussion about the removal of the Major John Mason statue. Of course, those opposed offered as their central argument that such removal would be “Altering History”. I wanted to remind Mystic about how local debates over the Mason statue had resulted in its relocation. I also wanted to make a public statement about how to move forward with the removal of Confederate memorials. I decided to add a touch of confrontational graffiti to the jersey barriers acting as a replacement guardrail on US Rt. 1, near the Baptist church in town.

    WE REMOVED MASON’S STATUE

    My goal was to send a message that removing controversial memorials had a precedent, right here in Mystic. I was surprised that the graffiti had been covered by slate grey paint the following day. Undaunted, I decided to return two nights later, to restate the message. After all, I painted graffiti on the original Mason statue in 1990:

    AMERICAN FREEDOM FIGHTER

    That was during the aftermath of the Iran-Contra scandal, a period when the Freedom Fighter moniker received renewed scrutiny. I returned to the jersey barriers and again sprayed in black paint:

    WE REMOVED MASON’S STATUE

    The message was again painted over and covered up the next day. I was shocked: it seemed that our community wouldn’t broach the topic that we had defined decades earlier, to help assuage another similar issue in another part of the country. A friend told me that descendants of Mason would have painted over my graffiti. But I was still convinced that Mystic could give our fellow citizens a roadmap toward a future that would represent shared values. Confederate memorials could be approached the way Mystic dealt with Mason. We had already established an historical precedent around the topic.

    During the writing of this piece, my research has been two-fold: the resistance to change among the local population regarding the Mason Monument, and how our local controversy mirrors the protests against removing Confederate statues from the public square.

    “In his effort to clarify and simplify, noted local historian, William Peterson has stated; ‘Many of us have gotten lost in a forest of peripheral issues …. The implications of removing this statue go far deeper than our own parochial interests. The real issue is not about who was right or wrong in the early 17th century; it is not about justice or injustice; it is not about sacred sites or battle sites; it is not about John Mason or genocide. The merits of these points can be argued (or acted) convincingly and emotionally, but to no one’s satisfaction. The fundamental issue is FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION – one of our basic American ideals! The location of the statue may be insensitive by today’s standards but a past generation could not possibly anticipate the moral persuasions and cultural sensitivities of future generations. The site, the plaque language, and the statue are part of the 1889 expression. The reasons that the site was sacred to the Colonists and their descendants may be different from the reasons given by other people today, but they are no less valid.’ Mr. Peterson believes
    “That the statue should remain where it is, unaltered.”

    The moral and cultural sensitivities of future generations.

    This is the lesson that the generations before us did not recognize. This is not an accusation. This is a description of an awareness that is an undeniable fabric of modern American life.

    The most revealing element was the counter argument from the defendants, as presented by the Mason Foundation during negotiations. The family foundation was surprisingly accommodating at every level of the negotiations, and yet they ended up with no concessions at all.

    RECOMMENDATIONS:

    We, the members of The Mason Family Memorial Association Inc., being descendants of Major John Mason, do
    hereby submit the following specific recommendations to the State of Connecticut.
    1. REMOVE ENTIRE STATUE from its present location on Pequot Ave.
    2. REMOVE ORIGINAL PLAQUE and loan it to a local museum. Suggested museums: The Indian and Colonial
    Research Center, The Mashantucket Pequot Cultural Museum, The New London County Historical Society, The
    Mystic River Hist. Soc.
    3a. INSTALL STATE HISTORICAL COMMISSION MARKER at the Fort site. b. Promote acceptance and
    implementation of Marcus Mason Maronn’s entire proposal for an alternative monument at Pequot Ave. site.
    4. RELOCATE ENTIRE STATUE TO HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT. Site on the grounds of the State Capitol or the
    State Library.
    5a. REBIRTH IMAGE to represent John Mason as a whole person. b. INSTALL NEW PLAQUES as per M.M.M.
    proposal.
    6. PROCLAIM DAY OF HONOR for Major John Mason.
    7. PRODUCE DOCUMENTARY FILM of the entire process for historical and educational purposes.
    8. APPOINT M.F.M.A. MANAGEMENT STATUS in regards to J. M. Statue.”
    However, their initial stance was confrontational:
    “Marcus Mason Maronn has the right idea when he says, ‘We could save a lot of time and energy if the council simply passed a motion to dismiss this entire issue, which has no basis other than the motivation for revenge by certain radical extremists.”

    Letters to the editor of the local newspaper echoed those sentiments:

    “No matter the right or wrong John Mason acted according to the best thinking of the time. What happened, happened. Our monuments and writings must remain undisturbed.”
    “I must be dreaming – having a nightmare, that is. An article in The Day is headlined, ‘Groton OKs loan of statue to Pequots.’ Going back in time a little, the Pequot Indians approached the Groton Town Council requesting that the John Mason statue be removed because it was ‘too painful for (them) to look at.’ Now the Pequots are to gain possession of the Mason statue for their own museum? This was a gutless decision by gutless town officials. Only Town Councilor Frank o’Beirne had a grip on reality, stating that he’s “having a hard time understanding how a statue that was offensive to them (where it is located now) … would not be offensive if they put it in their museum.’ Councilor O’Beirne expressed his concern for the welfare of the statue in an earlier meeting, a concern I share. Just how much time do the Indians spend cruising Pequot Avenue, being ‘hurt’ by the presence of an historical monument?”

    The writers of these letters have attitudes similar to those of people opposed to the removal of Confederate memorials in the South. My southern friends like to remind me that the North is not so innocent.

    Chicago. Cleveland. Boston. Philadelphia.

    I kept turning it over in my mind, what I might have blocked out at the time, due to a myopic focus on my own expectations toward a certain outcome. The point of view that we cannot remove specific memorials was not isolated to a predetermined understanding of Southern values, but was readily expressed by Northerners during a similarly divisive discussion on inclusion and exclusion. And yet, after all of the arguments, the opinions being stated, historical precedents being presented, our community finally removed the Mason statue.

    Mystic, Connecticut can show the nation a road map to the future. Our story can teach others how to remove memorials that create hate and division, through thorough negotiations with all sides represented equally.

    The conflict delineates history. American history deserves to be a truthful recitation.

    source links: indianandcolonial.org

    additional edits by rvljones

  • Honoring My Ancestors: For Heather Heyer

    Me, on the set of the Dukes of Hazzard, 1977

    “In an era of great division, a point that is often missed in the Confederate monuments debate is that most factions rightly agree that history should not be erased. The question is in how it should be remembered.” — Dr. Susannah J. Ural, “Let Us Speak of What We have Done”

    Ancestry.com is a Pandora’s Box. I always knew that there were wealthy slaveholders on my mother’s side, who owned large plantations in Georgia before the Civil War. But I had been told by my father that they were the exception, not the rule; and that his ancestors had been of a different class, working poor who couldn’t have owned slaves even if they’d wanted to. But the hours I’ve spent on research have disproven any imagined innocence of my paternal line. Census record after census record show that many of my predecessors on both sides owned slaves. Some may have owned just a few, but others hundreds. Sometimes the first names of these slaves are listed in census documents, but more often not, as they were considered property. There are no records of them beyond that, where they were from or where they were buried. Their descendants can’t build family trees.

    All of my ancestral lines came to America early. They turn up in the first censuses taken in colonies in what are now Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Maryland, Virginia, and the Carolinas. A few were Pilgrims, several were Quakers (something I never knew) and a number were Huguenots (far more than I realized) who came here to escape religious persecution. Some came as indentured servants or prisoners of war, some as wealthy planters or traders. I’ve found four ancestors accused of being witches in colonial Massachusetts, and one hung for heresy. Many fought in the Revolutionary War, and many would fight in the Civil War, for the South. I qualify as both a “Daughter of the Revolution” and a “Daughter of the Confederacy” many times over. In other words, I’m the product of settler colonialism, both Northern and Southern.

    Perhaps the biggest surprise was that one branch of my family tree was triracial (Native, Anglo, African). My great, great, great grandmother was Annie Jean Jacobs of North Carolina. The North Carolina Jacobs have been multi-racial for generations, and can be traced back to one slave, Gabriel Jacobs, who was freed around 1690. My father told me that my grandmother had some Native American ancestry, although he kept changing the name of the tribe: Tuscarora, or Waccamaw, or Lumbee. He didn’t say anything about her African American ancestry because it had been a family secret, I think, for years. Studying the census, I can see that my Jacobs ancestors made a choice around 1850 to present as white; they had previously identified as free people of color. Other Jacobs identified as Native Americans, and I have found records that classify the same person as “Mulatto”, “White”, and “Indian”. The more that I look, the more stories I uncover about the “tri-racial isolates” (as anthropologists call them) of North Carolina. Their histories are case studies about the complex realities of racial identity in early America. I can see on paper the effects of changing laws (for example the one-drop rule) on the Jacobs over generations.

    I wish I could share these discoveries with my father, but he isn’t speaking to me, because I don’t like Trump or the Confederate flag.

    ***

    When people ask me where I am from, I tell them Atlanta, Georgia. If they ask me if I consider myself Southern, I say yes. I suppose if I tracked all my days from the ages of 0 to 18, most of them would have been lived above the Mason Dixon. But I spent the first 6 years of my life in Georgia, and my ancestors have lived in the South since before the Revolutionary War. Moving as a child to the most Yankee of places—Mystic, Connecticut—didn’t change that.

    For those who aren’t locals, Mystic is beautiful historic village on the coast of Connecticut, close to the Rhode Island border. The Mystic Seaport is there, and the Charles Morgan, the only wooden whaling ship left in the world. Mystic is a place where the lines between past and present constantly blur, and it is easy to time travel there (especially as a teenager on acid).

    After my stepfather got a job at the Mystic Seaport, he moved us into a house on Pequot Avenue, a street that cuts across the hills above town, running parallel to the river, down to the sea. Clift Street climbs up from the river to meet Pequot Avenue at its top. At the intersection of Clift and Pequot, there is an odd little roundabout, just a circle of grass, that forces drivers around it for no discernible reason. The roundabout isn’t a speed bump or an abandoned garden; instead it served for many years as the base for a statue of John Mason, a local colonial hero.

    Mason’s statue was erected to commemorate a raid that he led on the Pequot tribe in 1637, afterwards known as the Mystic Massacre: “Major John Mason… said, We must burn them, and … brought out a firebrand, and putting it into the matts with which they were covered, set the wigwams on fire. Within minutes, Mistick Fort was engulfed … In one hour, more than 400 Pequot men, women and children were killed.”

    The Pequot War is a pivotal moment in colonial history; the tribe was vanquished so the English could continue to take over Connecticut. Mason’s statue was placed near the approximate location of the Pequots’ fort, and its purpose was forthright: it was to mark, in space and time, the successful displacement of natives by settlers. The local people (including some Mason descendants) who devoted themselves to the cause of raising a memorial on Pequot Avenue—a considerable investment of time, energy, and money—did not question his heroism. Their intention was that the statue would evoke awe and gratitude in its viewers. After all, without Mason, there wouldn’t be white people in Mystic, or Connecticut for that matter.

    As a kid, I didn’t understand that my house was built where hundreds of Native people burned to death. But the woods behind our house scared me, and I never explored it. I waited for the school bus at Mason, sometimes leaning against him, or climbing over him, or chasing my friends around him. I read the inscription on his base again and again—“Erected AD 1889 By the State of Connecticut to commemorate the heroic achievement of Major John Mason and his comrades, who near this spot in 1637, overthrew the Pequot Indians, and preserved the settlements from destruction”—but I didn’t wonder about the story being told, let alone the stories being left out. He was huge, bronze, and he had a sword. Looked like a hero to me!

    But as I grew older, my feelings about Mason and his statue changed. I was not alone. Mason and his troops, despite their best efforts, didn’t kill off all the Pequots, and descendants of the massacre survivors still live in the area. After getting federal recognition in 1983, they built a huge casino on their reservation, Foxwoods, which became a spectacular success. Regaining economic and political power in Connecticut after centuries of marginalization, the tribe again became a force to reckon with, and they directed some of that force at taking Mason down. For them, the statue was an insult, the equivalent of a murderer doing a victory dance on top of his victims, and its removal was imperative. After years of efforts by activists, Mason was relocated, peacefully, away from the site of the massacre, leaving only grass behind. There was some local fuss but certainly nothing like the deadly riots over the Robert E. Lee memorial in Charlottesville. My stepfather, an old Yankee through and through, was fascinated by the archeologists digging around his yard. He did not protest Mason’s removal, unlike some of our neighbors, but he was once a history teacher, and better prepared than most to think through the complexities of public memorialization.

    ***

    When the topic of Confederate memorials started appearing in headlines a few years ago, my first reaction was their removal was a bad idea. I imagined all the statues in little towns across the South, and then Charlottesville-style violence erupting at each one because of outsiders coming into peaceful communities. Leave those statues alone, I thought, don’t make trouble!

    But then a friend from Mystic reminded me of Mason coming down. The statue’s removal and relocation were reparative acts. Instead of just accepting history as told by “the winners”, Pequot activists demanded acknowledgement of other perspectives. For them, Mason is nothing to celebrate; he destroyed their culture. By challenging the established narrative of his heroism, they made room for other views, for example that colonization is a cruel and destructive process, based on theft and murder. Their perspective is valid, and could apply to many other memorials on American soil as well.

    My initial resistance to the removal of Confederate memorials was due to my consideration of only one side of the story. There are several men in my family tree who fought for the South. My mother’s elderly relatives in Eatonton, Georgia, still referred to “The War” and told stories passed down about Sherman’s March (his troops stole all the food but spared the Steinway piano). My father told me more times than I can count that the display of Confederate memorials and flags is intended to “honor our ancestors”. What he never mentioned, and still doesn’t seem to consider, is the perspective of the descendants of slaves. The Civil War and its aftermath are still quite present for them too, but there aren’t any flags or statues for their ancestors, although they suffered much more than ours did before, during, and after “The War”.

    Many of my ancestors once owned slaves, and fought a war so that they could keep on with that owning. There is no way to separate that truth from the existence of Confederate memorials. Public sculptures aren’t just gravestones, created to honor individual family members. They are monuments in common space that everyone sees while going about their daily business. In my opinion, we should certainly remember and memorialize our dead, but we can’t ask (or force) others to honor them, as Confederate statues in public space demand. There are many bodies in Southern ground unmarked by even the smallest of stones: the bodies of people stolen from their families, then abused, and then buried in strange soil. We should remember and honor their lives too, rather than continuing to erase their histories.

    ***

    Two years ago, in July 2017, I attended a festival organized by my father, Ben “Cooter” Jones, at his Dukes of Hazzard museum and store in Luray, Virginia. Although I was glad to be with my family, I was uneasy about everything else. My father had created the festival as a response to the ongoing controversy over Confederate symbols. It had been two years at that point since the Charleston shooting, and during that time, my father had doubled-down on his defense of Confederate flags and memorials, even serving as spokesperson for the Sons of Confederate Veterans.

    Because of his role as Cooter Davenport on The Dukes of Hazzard, my father still has a certain celebrity. His events can draw thousands of fans. As a public figure, his opinions carry weight and have consequences outside our family. While wandering the midway, I tried to laugh with the crowds at the monster truck races and wrestling matches, but what I really felt was dread. I kept repeating “freedom of speech, freedom of speech” to myself, as if that would fix what was going on around and inside me. My father’s anger at “Political Correctness” was spilling out more often, both onstage and off, and he was directing some of it at me, the lefty, queer New Yorker. The audience gave him validation for his beliefs, something I could no longer do.

    In August 2017, just a month after my father’s festival, a group of white supremacists held a rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, a town an hour south of Luray. They came to protest the removal of the Robert E. Lee memorial. They flew Nazi and Confederate flags, burned torches, and chanted racist and fascist slogans like: “Jews Will Not Replace Us.” During the rally, James Fields, a neo-Nazi, rammed his car into a crowd of counter-protestors, killing Heather Heyer and injuring almost 20 other people. He was sentenced to life in prison for this act, after pleading guilty to 29 hate crime charges.

    My father is holding another festival this summer, two years almost to the day of the Charlottesville riot. I wonder if he chose the dates that he did because he is aware that some of his fans were likely at the rally in 2017, flying Confederate flags purchased from his stores. Perhaps he is trying to offer them an alternative venue for their complaints, to make things safer for them and for those they disagree with. I hope so.

    I’m sad about my estrangement from my father, because I love him, no matter what differences we have. This is not our first falling out, and perhaps we will be able to reconcile again. But it is more likely that our Civil War will continue. My father is furious because he feels that his freedom of speech is under assault, although in reality he remains completely free to fly the Confederate flag and to state his beliefs. And I’m furious too, about his demands that I respect and agree with ALL of his opinions, while not being allowed to have any of my own. It is an oppressive dynamic, a dictatorship rather than a relationship, and a double standard that is no longer acceptable to me.

  • The Pedestrian

    our next door neighbors on Ashby Street
    were a decade older than my parents.
    they felt an intrinsic responsibility to
    impact their wisdom on our young family.
    their most consequential advice
    was to have our family join
    the congregational church
    that they belonged to-
    in the City of Groton.

    my Father never attended the services
    my Mother ascribed to,
    following the recommendation of our respected
    neighbors. She was the one to wake up early
    on Sunday; to get my brother and me
    into the appropriate clothes, and the appropriate attitude
    to mingle with the good Christians recommended to my mother.
    what i did not know at the time
    was that my Father was literally
    incapable of attending a church service.

    the car shuffled to a slow stop;
    about a hundred yards from the entrance
    to the highway exit that led to our house.

    “ok, Richie, i need you to walk to Nana’s house,
    you know where that is, right? near Ocean View but closer
    to the Ice House. do you know where i’m talking about?”

    our house was located at 56 Ocean View Avenue,
    two blocks below the intersection
    of US Rt. 1 and the Ocean View Avenue.
    Nana was my Father’s best friend’s mother,
    Polish for “Grandmother”
    my Portuguese Grandmother was known as
    Vovo.

    her residence was my destination;
    following the command of my Mother,
    at the end of the exit ramp.
    a two mile walk was of no consequence
    to me- i would have walked as far as
    she instructed me to.

    when i arrived at the home of the Hoinsky Matriarch,
    my parents best friends were waiting for me.
    “where is Linda?”
    “she’s at the entrance to town, at the foot of Exit 89…..
    Allyn Street…..”

    i had walked two miles
    in an effort to help my Mother.
    no one thanked me for making the trek.
    i was an afterthought in the “rescue” of my Mother.

    _____

    i was fortunate to be drafted as a nine year old,
    added to an expansion team of our Local Little League.
    that was not something to bring up
    in the schoolyard.

    at the end of an early season Little League practice, it became apparent
    three players waiting for their parents
    to arrive late would be revealed.

    i immediately decided that walking away,
    toward the parking lot, that would allow me a certain plausibility.
    if i made a run for it…
    on my own…

    the driveway of the Ramada Inne
    that sponsored my Little League team
    was where my Mother spotted me,
    walking alone.
    i would catch the yellow of her Volkswagen Bug
    out of my peripheral vision,
    as she makes an abrupt left turn.

    “why are you out here? why are you walking
    home? why did you leave the practice?” my mother’s voice was forceful,
    withholding an inherent terror.

    i realized that negating a public embarrassment
    was paramount, and it did not rest exclusively
    within the wealthy families of Mystic.

    it was an incisive insight.

    youth football had a very low
    return on investment for a five foot one inch
    Portuguese kid;
    who would have been a soccer player in Stonington Borough,
    but grew up on the Groton side
    of the Mystic Village.
    few of the neighborhood kids
    who participated in Little League Baseball
    arrived at that first football practice.
    i was there. and i realized that certain families in town,
    whose kids participated in Little League Baseball
    were not present in this public sphere.

    the rationale for youth football was
    Regional Rivalries;
    a clash with a neighboring town
    according to an accumulated sense
    of self-worth.
    the parents against the parents, articulated within the specious
    athletic ability
    of their children.

    i was a first round draft pick,
    but my mother had yet to arrive
    after the practice.
    i was petrified to be the last player
    in the parking lot, holding the coach up
    in an untenable situation.
    i decided to simply walk home.
    i decided to disappear.
    i walked into the woods between the
    junior high practice fields,
    and our neighborhood; higher up the valley
    than the basin.
    i felt confident no one would find me
    as i followed President Carter’s “Fitness Trail”
    built by federal funds,
    to encourage a more healthy population.

    i emerged from the woods,
    onto Prospect Avenue.
    i was quite scared of the Judson Avenue climb,
    toward Ocean View Avenue.
    a woman had just set the weekly trash
    at the curbside, as i passed in heavy breaths.
    a cavalcade of tears.

    “do you need to call somebody?”

    “yeah…. can i call my Mother….?”

    “of course you can……”

  • The Bates Woods Monkey House

    birthday celebrations
    during the decade
    of my childhood
    revolved around what my parents
    could afford.

    for my sixth birthday, my mother booked an event,
    in a private room
    off of the main seating area
    at the local McDonald’s.
    parents could rent a room for a
    celebration, and skip the lines
    at the counter,
    for double cheeseburgers,
    or the Happy Meal.

    we were sheltered under public park structures,
    at the second stage of my celebration;
    anticipating the rain
    which was a frequent factor
    of an early June birthday.

    Bates Woods was a small woodland
    park in the neighboring town of
    New London. to the kids invited to the party,
    it represented the City.
    after all, there
    was a Monkey House at Bates Woods.
    a Zoo.
    there was nothing resembling a zoo
    in Mystic, especially
    if we discounted the mammals
    in our public aquarium,
    deliberately caged.

    a picnic commenced. the park grills,
    covered in an excess of soot,
    were nonetheless utilized.
    as the final hot dog,
    and the final burger
    were slapped onto
    the wicker basket plastic plate holders,
    the rain announced itself.

    “hey kids, let’s head
    to the Monkey House! you can leave
    your plates here
    at the table.”

    my mother, trying to control
    the situation,
    led the group of us to the Monkey House.
    the other moms present had to
    deal with the aftermath of a picnic
    in the rain.

    “it’s ok Linda, we can clean this up.
    take the kids to see the monkeys!”

    i could sense the subtext of her statement…..

    “i would rather clean up this mess than
    deal with the Monkey House.”

    the structure was built with
    cinder blocks, the cages were
    anchored into an industrial
    definition of confinement.
    these mammals were imprisoned,
    to maximize my
    birthday experience.

  • The Neighborhood Fire

    during the 1970’s, even in my small riverside village,
    a certain social order revolved around
    what type of swimming pool
    was installed on your property.

    the scientist who installed the first
    solar panels i had ever seen
    did not have a pool.
    he filled a cheap plastic substitute,
    bought at the local discount store,
    with cold water from the garden hose.

    the businessman, who ran a recycling plant,
    installed a solar blanket,
    to keep their in ground pool
    at a consistent temperature.
    he openly invited us to swim
    and share what his children,
    who were our friends,
    were privileged to know.

    my best friends in the neighborhood;
    a set of identical twins,
    were the fortunate recipients of an
    above ground pool-
    twice the size my parents could afford.

    the Eastman’s house was exactly halfway between
    my house and the twins.
    they also had a pool. it was surrounded by a wooden deck,
    and a traditional slat fence where the Eastman’s
    had hung a few humorous signs dictated by that
    particular decade. the wooden signs were held
    by loose framing wire on exposed
    nails which were already showing signs of rust.

    “i don’t swim in your toilet-
    don’t pee in my pool.”

    my family, under some social duress,
    bought an entry level pool
    at the local discount store.
    i was surprised my parents felt a need
    to keep up with the Eastmans,
    or the Carpenters, or the Peters.
    were they actualizing equality,
    or an illusion?
    perhaps,
    it was about their own
    reconciliation.

    the local firehouse was located
    a city block from my childhood home.
    we were not in a city- however the opening of the firehouse doors,
    and the initial blare of the sirens,
    were intoxicating to us; the unknowing dictated our attention.
    everything would cease
    as we tried to catch a glimpse
    of the deep red vehicles
    as they exited
    under the perforated glass walls
    that would would ceremoniously rise
    after the alarm.

    the trucks never had to enter
    into our neighborhood.

    in the twilight of this evening,
    as i toweled off, pleading
    for one last minute in the pool;
    we heard the first siren.

    “they are coming down the Avenue.”
    stated my mother, with an unavoidably
    specific declaration.
    she was correct, as we heard the tires of the firetrucks
    grind as they took the right hand turn onto
    Overlook Avenue.
    ambulances from various districts
    began to appear,
    the Hoxie Hook and Ladder arrived in support.
    as we watched the distress unfold,
    we crept closer to the fire.

    “where is Jeremy? have you seen him?”

    i watched my mother ask my father
    a question
    he had no answer to.
    the sirens continued to commandeer
    the frequency of an emergency.

    i suddenly understood their temporary
    commitment,
    their vows.

    i followed my mother down the Avenue,
    as she began asking anyone in earshot, out of desperation,
    “have you seen Jeremy….?”

    “hey Mom, i’m over here…”

    he was standing next to one of the firetrucks,
    whose tires towered over him.
    “that tire could have killed you!”

    “i just wanted to watch…”

    i walked briskly past the Eastmans driveway,
    toward our house,
    toward what i anticipated was coming next.

    i overheard the Fire Chief ask Mr. Eastman if the Fire Department
    could drain his pool to fight the fire.

  • My First Christmas With Dad

    my father moved into a first floor apartment
    of an old Victorian house at the edge
    of the Thames River.

    i enjoyed the every other weekend
    arrangement of the divorce.
    his apartment was so unlike
    my home during the other
    twenty seven days of the month.

    the old, creaky floors provided a soothing comfort.
    the whitewashed plaster walls
    crumbling in slow motion, however,
    barely held the ancient
    sinks in place.
    my brother and i slept on two inflatable
    beach rafts in my father’s cramped bedroom, just off the kitchen.
    late night odors would wake me,
    when his roommate returned from a night out on the town.
    hastily heating frozen pirogi
    with a hint of
    buttered toast.

    my father and his roommate, Charlie
    were in strict observance of their
    commitment to watch televised games of the
    National Football League.
    Miller Brewing of Milwaukee, Wisconsin
    spent excessively, promoting
    their Lite Beer
    on those broadcasts.

    while staring jealousy at the
    inside cover art of the
    J. Geil’s Band’s “Full House” live LP,
    i overhead my father’s voice
    following a particular Lite Beer commercial.

    “we can win that contest! i have an idea that
    is foolproof!”

    the Milwaukee brewer had created
    a contest- the best holiday display
    integrating their product would win
    a year of free beer.
    the contestants had to submit
    their photographic proof
    by the 29th of November.

    the two of them decided to appropriate
    a shopping cart, on uneven wheels,
    from the local grocery store
    to house their harvest;
    and the possibility
    of an entire calendar year of free beer.

    the majority of an NFL season
    of Lite Beer cans
    were meticulously rinsed out,
    and placed in the grocery cart
    outside the backdoor,
    beside the rust ridden aluminum garbage cans.

    the weekend after Thanksgiving
    was a scheduled stay with my father.
    he and Charlie started decorating a small tree
    they cut down on the property of a co-worker
    who owned land in the quiet corner;
    with beer cans from a shopping cart
    to compete in a corporate contest.

    i watched as the two of them
    meticulously bent beer tabs
    into the proper position
    to hang the can with the same traditional ornament hooks
    my mother took care to recycle
    after each Christmas celebration.

    i could not remember a holiday season
    where my father actualized such an
    attention to the detail of holiday decoration.
    he was fully convinced of the importance of the contest;
    at one point he asked Charlie
    to adjust the string of lights
    to better reflect off of the aluminum cans.

    we spent Christmas Eve with a few co-worker friends of my mother;
    young girls working at the nursing home
    trying to get ahead in their nascent working lives.
    their small apartment was fashioned to feel celebratory,
    but i simply wanted to be alone
    with headphones and a stack of 8 track tapes.
    they gifted my brother and me
    a dart board set,
    which my mother immediately confiscated.

    during our way home from that event,
    my mother decided to take the long way to Mystic,
    circling back through the City of Groton
    to scout what may be happening at my father’s apartment
    on Christmas Eve.

    she was correct; which she consistently reminded us of.
    he was throwing a party,
    with his roommate,
    at the apartment.

    as we traversed the icy sidewalk
    from the car to the front door,
    i was running through the scenarios
    i would inevitably have to be in the middle of,
    when my father came face to face with my mother
    on this night.

    “you are hosting a party tonight?” she hissed through closed teeth.

    “yeah, why wouldn’t i?”

    “because it’s Christmas Eve, and you
    should have thought of your kids first.
    but you had to think of yourself first, again….”

    i could sense the tension throughout the room;
    the dissipation of the energy to
    have a good time,
    and the host who was being confronted
    by the mother of his children,
    with his kids present.

    “nice fucking tree!!!” were my mother’s
    last words to him as she escorted
    us across the threshold of the back door,
    which i always reminded myself
    not to trip over
    on weekends with my father.

  • The Realization of Shame

    my family moved to a neighborhood
    that sprouted up during the post-war period,
    around an elementary school
    that was built in 1953.

    the expansive playing fields of the school
    were our dominion.
    street hockey until the first snow,
    nerf football before class and at recess,
    whiffleball nearly year round,
    baseball after the Little League season ended.

    occasionally, a kid from the neighborhood
    would forget a baseball glove on the playground,
    which would still be there the next day.
    i’m sure a certain bicyclist regrets
    the distraction
    that allowed a particular bicycle
    to be left behind.

    it was a lazy autumn afternoon at the playground.
    other than my brother and me, there were only
    two other kids there that Saturday.

    the Judson brothers were notoriously
    known as “mischievous.”
    under no circumstance would we accept
    an offer of a Friday night sleepover,
    much less ask our parents for permission.

    we were halfheartedly competing
    at the tetherball court; the Judson brothers being fairly
    inept athletically. during an interruption in play, one of the Judson’s
    noticed a single bicycle, at the bike rack,
    unchained.
    “hey, is that bike unlocked?”

    my first thought was that he wanted to steal
    the bike, which seemed to be a disastrous position
    to take. even though i was only in the 7th grade, the implications
    of such a crime seemed inescapable.

    “let’s show them a lesson! let’s make them
    never leave their bike behind again!”

    a consensus was reached to
    vandalize the bicycle,
    under the stairs at the back
    of the gymnasium.
    i knew this endeavor was wrong,
    in spirit and letter,
    and yet i followed my brother
    and the Judson’s slowly rolling
    the bike up the incline
    to the dank, dirt floor cave
    below the gymnasium’s concrete steps,
    littered with
    beer cans and liquor bottles
    the school janitor hadn’t caught up to
    after an early 80’s teen summer.

    the bike was propped up
    on it’s kickstand
    when the kids went to work.
    i stood in silence, afraid to confront them
    which might result in them turning
    on me, in a similar manner in which
    they were unleashing unbridled violence
    onto this inanimate object.

    a loose brick deflated the tires
    and mangled the spokes and rims.
    a broken bottle shredded
    the soft foam seat,
    metal cans scraped at the factory paint.

    i did nothing to stop it.

    my bus stop in seventh grade was at the end
    of Overlook Drive, at the junction of Capstan Avenue.
    the Judson’s house was within sight at that corner.
    the Tuesday after the bike incident, at 8AM,
    while i was waiting for the number 7 bus,
    i watched as two Town police squad cars
    pull into the Judson’s driveway.

    i quickly surmised there were two possibilities;
    one would be defined by police evidence,
    that the Judson brothers were guilty.
    the other was they were going to blame it on me.

    in the two hours between getting on that bus
    and hearing my name over the intercom,
    i had thought through every possible
    scenario.

    “Ms. Rogers, could you please
    excuse Ellery Twining to the Principals office?”

    “Yes, of course.”

    the gaze of my classmates was intrusive
    and inescapable, as they were in disbelief that “little Ellery”
    might face disciplinary action.
    i, however, knew something that
    they did not.
    there would be police officers
    in that office
    when i arrived; slack shouldered.

    when i arrived at the small
    cinder block office, with industrial desks
    and battleship swivel chairs,
    my mother was waiting for me.

    “get your fucking ass in the car…..”
    she hissed.
    her tone suggested an equivalent definition of her anger,
    were we not in public.
    my younger brother was already in the VW Bug,cowering
    behind the driver’s seat.

    “i get a phone call at work from the Town police?
    at work? on a fucking Tuesday?!?
    the goddamn police
    called me at work
    because of YOU TWO!”

    i knew intrinsically
    what YOU TWO meant.
    i was the guilty party.
    i should have stopped it.
    i should have never let my brother
    be exposed.
    the entire episode;
    it was obviously my fault.

    as we entered the police station,
    a uniformed officer guided us into the
    proper interrogation room.
    there were four people present-
    my brother, my mother, the
    investigating officer,
    and me.

    “we have already questioned the Judson brothers,
    so i need you to tell me the truth. ok?”

    “i was there, and i didn’t do anything to
    stop it.” i replied.

    “so, you personally did not damage
    the bicycle in question?”

    “no, i didn’t. but i didn’t stop them either…”

    “does that imply that your brother was involved?”

    “i didn’t stop him….”

    “ok, we’re done here for now,
    but i don’t ever want to
    see you again.”

    “you will not” i replied

    following my step-father’s funeral,
    family secrets were revealed.

    “do you remember Mark from Montville?”

    “mom, what did the police tell you after
    the bike episode
    with the Judson brothers?”

    “they knew you were innocent, that your brother
    and those kids initiated it.
    but they wanted to scare you, and you were
    such an easy target.”

    that lesson taught me the value of invisibility.

    because i wanted them to destroy the bicycle.
    i wanted to witness the event.
    i wanted to punish the kids who could afford
    to forget their bike at school.

    as the blows from the brick
    were applied to the tires,
    i was fully aware that this was the definition
    of shame.